


crumble and fall (like an animal)

by KayCeeCruz



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M, WereFic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-02
Updated: 2011-08-02
Packaged: 2017-10-22 03:36:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/233311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayCeeCruz/pseuds/KayCeeCruz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Kris knew from the first moment he met Adam that they were supposed to be something important. But at ten years old, he had no idea what that would be. When Adam is turned at fifteen, Kris understands their connection. Adam is Kris' mate. His future husband. When tragedy strikes, Adam turns his back on them all, running from his own pain and leaving Kris floundering alone. Adam ran long and hard from his destiny and everything that he was supposed to be. From his clan and his responsibilities...and especially from Kris. Kris is his best friend, the person Adam loved most in his life and he can't risk what that loss would do to them. But when Kris finds him to tell him they are on the brink of losing everything he can't stay away anymore.</i></p><p><i>Can Kris live with not having Adam the way he wants? Will Adam realize that his fear is keeping him from being with the one meant for him? Can they figure it all out before it's too late?</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	crumble and fall (like an animal)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for KradamBigBang 2011. I have to thank escapes and ecarian for being such awesome beta's, supporters and cheerleaders. You guys are the best!
> 
> So much love and thanks to my artist birddi for the kick ass fanmix and fanart. Make sure to leave her nice feedback [here.](http://birddi.livejournal.com/26325.html#cutid1)

 

 _**crumble and fall (like an animal)** _

 

No one ever notices him.

It used to be bother Kris, once upon a time when he had _wanted_ someone to notice, but it works better for him now. He leans back in his seat, watches Lee try to convince the council that they need help protecting the boundaries of Illinois, especially since the attack on Michigan. He talks figures: this many can die, that many that will join forces, the revenue the state could bring in. Kris frowns as he looks around the room.

They won't help them. The state isn't one of theirs, not a lycan territory and that's the only fact that matters to the council. His gaze stops on Danny, the interim head of this region, reigning Prince of Milwaukee and knows that Lee isn't going to get anywhere. Danny isn't listening, stare somewhere off in the distance, and Kris wonders why they made him come to this.

Losing your mate does a number of things to your mind and spirit. Danny's loss is still too fresh.

“Thank you for that, Mr. DeWyze. I understand the predicament of the mages. We all do. However --”

Kris sees Lee's face fall, watches him nod mutely as Danny explains why they won't stop Cowell from taking over their land, killing the people he has no use for, grabbing another bit of their world.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he would normally ignore it, turn it off completely and politely finish listening to the presentations being given. But he's been expecting this call.

And why they're calling.

He stands abruptly, a few heads turning to glance at him before returning back to the front of the room. Kris mutters a quiet, “Excuse me a moment,” to no one in particular – his mother taught him manners though – before heading out into the hall. He glances up at the crossbeams, glittering black and just beyond the dark blanket of the night sky that seems like it's pressed up against the glass ceiling. Monte appears from nowhere, stands just off to the side and Kris nods at him.

There's a lot of movement around him and he finds a quiet corner, pressing on the answer button.

“Took you long enough, Kristopher.”

Kris almost smiles at Brad's tone. It's on his daily to-do-list to somehow thwart Brad in some way. “I'm sorry, Bradley. I was only chatting with the Royal Council about non-important clan business. I forget sometimes you come first.”

He bites his lip when he realizes and opens his mouth to tell Brad not to –

“I do like coming first.”

Then a pause – “And _you_ were chatting? Really?”

Kris sighs, rubs a hand over his face, scrubbing at his eyes to try to focus on this conversation. “Brad, I don't have time for this. Just tell me --”

“I found him.”

Everything closes in around him, making Kris sway on his feet and he reaches out with his free hand for the wall, needing that extra support. All the air seems to have left his lungs and there's a rushing in his ears. He can hear the faint sound of Brad talking to him, his voice taking on an alarmed tone but Kris can't reassure him. He needs to remember how to breathe.

Someone is pulling the phone from his hand and talking with Brad. Kris registers that it's Monte but then his thoughts are running loose, incoherent even to him. Brad found him? What would he have to say to get him to--? Would he care enough? He can't think.

There was no way Kris ever thought Brad would actually manage this.

He forces his mind to clear, takes back a lungful of air and meets Monte's concerned glare. “It's okay. I'm fine. Let me talk to him.”

Monte doesn't believe him but it's not like he can say no to Kris.

He's the Prince for crying out loud. Kris takes the phone back and turns slightly away to finish this conversation.

“Kris?”

“Yeah. Yes. I'm here. Just tell me.”

Brad sighs. “If I’d known you'd have a heart attack or something I would have waited until I got home. Don't do that to me, honey, okay?”

“I'm sorry.” And then after a pause – “You're sure it's him?”

He can practically hear Brad roll his eyes. “Baby, _you_ sent me because you know I wouldn't mistake anyone else for Adam.”

Kris nods even though Brad can't see him and says, “Did you talk with him?”

“No. I was under the impression that wasn't what you wanted.” Brad's tone said that Kris should know better.

He did, though. It didn't matter that Adam had known Brad first, loved him completely once, that their connection was still something Kris envied...Brad was nothing if not loyal and his loyalty was to Kris. There's a noise behind him and he see Lee leaving the conference room, head down. Clearing his throat, he looks at Monte, nodding his head toward him and Monte nods, moving toward Lee, stopping him before he leaves. Kris turns his attention back to the phone.

“I know this wasn't easy for you and I just – Brad, I'm really grateful that you–”

He hears the low chuckle over the line, stops as his face reddens. Brad can still make him feel fifteen sometimes.

“Shut up, Kris.”

Kris smiles.

“So are you still doing this yourself?”

It's the only way he'll get the Council to allow it. He doesn't have a choice anymore.

“Yes.”

Brad sighs. “You gonna be able to handle this? Not the seeing him again part, because let me tell you, that part's nice, but you know. The rest of it.”

Kris isn't the same boy he was when Adam walked away, leaving him heart-broken with responsibilities he hadn't been prepared for. He pushes those thoughts aside. They don’t matter now.

He'd become the Prince his clan needed. They came first. It’s why he’s going to get them their future King back.

Feelings couldn’t enter into this.

“Come home, Brad.”

He doesn't wait for an answer before ending the call. There's a lot of planning to be done. Kris squares his shoulders, pushes away at the tumble of emotions that wants to ignite in his heart, walking over to where Monte had cornered Lee.

Lee's eyes widen when he sees Kris and some of the tension seeps out of his shoulders. It makes Kris smile a little. No one is ever scared of Kris. It should be more annoying than it really is. He likes the advantage it gives him, even when it's not needed.

“Hello, Lee.”

“Prince Allen.”

Kris shakes his head, extends his hand to Lee. “Kris, please.” He smiles wider when Lee takes his offered hand. “I think I can help you.” Lee gives him a disbelieving look but Kris' stare holds steady. He reaches for one of the cards in his pocket, takes the pen Monte hands him as he discreetly looks around then blocks them from view. Lee glances at Monte, brow furrowed before looking back at Kris.

“I don't understand. Won't you get in trouble, your – Kris?”

Kris shrugs as he scribbles a number on the blank side of the card along with an address and password, handing them to Lee when he's done. “I can handle it. Just call this number. Ask for Hudson. She'll be your contact. Tell her what you need.”

He leaves without another word, entering the conference room as he'd left, quietly. Unnoticed.

Sarver is standing at the front talking now about the new alliances they want to make with Cowell and his crew. Kris' hands tighten on the arms of his chair. Michael used to be braver. He doesn't pay attention after he hears a few minutes of the presentation, knows that they have enough resistance in the council still for it to be vetoed.

His thoughts turn back to the conversation with Brad and it's like it’s taken his brain this long to comprehend what's going to happen.

They found Adam.

For the first time in years, Kris is going to have to face the man he's been in love with since he as long as he can remember.

He thinks he might throw up.

 

 

 _Kris jumps when his mother calls him from the back door. He shakes out of his fur, rolls around until he feels the wind on his skin, gathers his shirt to pull it over his head, stumbling into jeans and shoes as he runs toward the sound._

 _“Kristopher Neil Allen, where are you?”_

 _Oh, she was using his full name. That was never good._

 _“I'm coming, Mama.” He straightens the shirt, makes sure it doesn't look like he was doing the very thing he was prohibited to do. He stops abruptly at the foot of the deck that leads from their new house into the large backyard. It's nothing like home where he and Daniel could run for hours without having to worry. He misses the stream that cut through that backyard. The sun wasn't nearly as hot there either._

 _His mother is giving him an intense look, her nose scrunching up at the mess he looks. “What were you doing, Kristopher?”_

 _He smiles innocently. “Playing.”_

 _She doesn't believe him but there's no proof of his disobedience so she sighs, motions for him to come inside. “We've got company.” Kris jogs past her, whines when she pats him hard on the rear. He knows that she could find out the truth if she wanted. He wasn't good at lying to her but he figures she trusts him enough to know he wouldn't put them all in any danger._

 _“Go and wash up then meet us downstairs. Tell your brother to come down too, please.”_

 _Kris nods, takes two steps at once, turns the wrong way before he remembers that his room isn't where it used to be. This house is a lot smaller than their old one but he automatically takes a left instead of a right. He has the worst sense of direction, he thinks. His dad says he'll outgrow it._

 _Kris hopes so because he doesn't know how he'd lead anyone anywhere if he didn't know where to go._

 _Daniel makes fun of him for it._

 _He freezes, on his way to his room, at the voice that filters from under the bathroom door. Kris has never heard anything like it. The song isn't one he knows but it makes him want to pick up the guitar his Dad uses to entertain guests. He can't play it or anything but he wants to. His fingers twitch at his sides and he starts humming the notes, quietly._

 _The door opens a few seconds later and he blinks up at the boy – he's a few years older than Kris – standing there. He has light hair, kinda red and kinda blond together, freckles all over his face but it's his eyes, wide and blue that make Kris stop singing because they're really pretty. Then he smiles and Kris feels something in his chest tighten._

 _The boy steps forward, hand out to Kris._

 _“Hi, I'm Adam.”_

 _Adam._

 _He waits expectantly and Kris hears his mother chide him for being rude so he takes the hand, cringing when he remembers that he's sweaty but it's too late and Adam doesn't seem to care._

 _“Um. Hi. I'm – Kris. Allen.”_

 _The smile gets wider, if that's possible, and Adam says, sincerely. “It's nice to meet you Kris.”_

 __

_Conway, AR._

 

Kris smiles when the house appears in his line of sight and breathes deep. It's been too many weeks of meetings, strategy planning, bargaining and truces. He has missed being here. It hasn't felt like home in years if he's honest – his heart is somewhere else – but it's the only one he's ever had. He grins when the car rolls to a stop and Allison flies out of the car. Her hair is some strange purple/red combination but he thinks it looks better than the neon green it had been when he left.

“Kris!”

He braces for the impact of her hug, laughing when she squeezes him harder than he'd expect. Little sister or not, she packs a mean punch when she wants to.

“I missed you, man.” The words are muffled into his shoulder and he tightens his hold on her, kissing her hair before pushing her away gently.

“I wasn't gone that long, Alli.”

She makes a tsking sound, rolling her eyes at him. “Well, sure. Compared to the six months you spent in Europe, yeah. But a month is a long time.”

He can't disagree with that.

“Come on, help me with this stuff. I may or may not have brought you something.”

Her grin lights up everything in their vicinity.

 

 

They drop off his luggage in his room and Kris digs through one of the bags to hand her the sari he'd bought for her in New York. It's deep blue silk shimmers with silver detailing and she coos at it, runs her hands over the material before giving him another hug. She heads for his bathroom, “because dude I am going to wear this everywhere, okay?” and he looks down at his watch.

Dinner is in an hour. He needs to talk to the family beforehand.

He brings his attention back to Allison, who is talking to him through the bathroom door.

“– and I told him that you'd want him to talk to you about it before he did anything but then luckily Brad got home and Cass –“

Kris looks at the closed door. “Brad's home?”

Allison opens the door, the saran wrapped securely around her waist and smiles wide. “Yep. He's with Cass right now.”

Kris laughs. “Of course.” He bites his lip before asking, “How long have they been – uh –”

Allison laughs loudly.

 

 

Kris had felt bad for interrupting Brad and Cass' reunion but right now he's kind of glad he did. Brad's the only one not looking at him like he'd just grown an extra head and tail.

The room had fallen into silence as soon as Kris is done talking. He wasn't sure what the general consensus would be but from the looks of it, shock is the most common reaction. Not that he blames any of them. It's not every day that Kris calls a meeting to tell them that he's found their king and is bringing him home. He hasn't exactly dealt with that fact yet himself.

“And...you're sure it's Adam?”

Leila asks, eyes rounded with hope and Kris finds that he can smile at her even as his stomach twists at her question. He's as sure as he can be without seeing Adam himself.

“I'm very sure, Leila.”

Her face lights up in a way he hasn't seen in too long, turning to clutch at Eber's hand where he's still sitting, eyes downcast. Kris doesn't know what that means but he can't focus on that now. He looks directly at Neil, waiting for the outburst he's pretty sure is coming.

“What the hell made you think this was a good idea?”

Neil never disappoints Kris.

“I'm not even talking what the council is going to say, which by the way will be a big fat no, but _he_ left us. You. _Everyone._ He doesn't want this, Kris. What are you going to do? Drag him back and force him to take charge of this clan because you can't do it?”

Brad takes a step forward, raising an eyebrow at Neil. “That's bullshit and you know it.”

Kris is glad he'd only called the immediate family and persons in the know. He catches Katy glaring at Neil and he hopes she doesn't cut back on his security as payback. He can't deal with losing one Lambert right when he's gaining one back. They all need to work together. Allison is bouncing on her feet, smiling huge at him, the only who seems to realize what this means to them. Not the clan but _them_. It's one of the reason he loves her best. She can see the positive and she's too young to remember what lead up to Adam leaving. He wants to stand next to her and soak in her happiness because his is bogged down by guilt, loss and anger he can't allow himself to feel.

Daniel sits next to their father, watching as Neil and Brad begin to argue, loudly as they tend to, but doesn't say anything. When he meets Kris' gaze, he smiles softly and makes a small “yay” motion with his hand. Kris smiles back, wishing that he felt the same excitement instead of the dread that had formed into a lead stone in the pit of his stomach.

His parents are speaking quietly together, sending his furtive glances every few seconds and Kris feels that itch under his skin. The one that makes him want to turn tail and run. Leave all this behind and just disappear. None of this was supposed to be his. He hadn't been prepared for it but he'd done the best he could. It simply wasn't enough. It's nothing he's ashamed of, really. He'd never been meant to do this, at least not alone. His job is to fix what he can. That's what he's doing.

“He's a selfish dick. That's all that matters.”

“Jesus, Neil. He's your brother. Think you could give him a break?”

Kris clears his throat.

“Fuck that. No. He _left._ The whole lot of us needed him and he took off. We don't want him.”

“The hell we don't.”

He tries again, a little louder this time.

The sound gets lost in the cacophony of the room and Kris sighs, stands from where he'd been perched on the table, raising a hand over his head as he yells. “Hey! Can everyone just shut up for two seconds?”

That's enough to get their attention because he never yells especially not at them.

“Thank you,” he says into the resounding silence, turning to Neil and Brad, his eyes falling on his friend. “Brad, I appreciate what you're doing but it's fine. Okay?” Brad narrows his eyes but takes a step back and Kris shifts his attention to Neil. “I've never claimed to be a great leader, Neil. You know that better than anyone. I've done what I could. But I was never meant to be your king. That's Adam.”

“He doesn't want it.”

Kris shrugs, face blanking. “He did once. Maybe not at the time he left but...we don't know how he feels now.” He takes a deep breath. “That's why I'm going to talk with him. See where he stands. Change his mind.”

Eber speaks for the first time. “How exactly are you planning on doing that, son?”

He meets his eyes, tries for a reassuring smile. “I have a plan.”

They start asking questions but he waves them off, shaking his head. “I've never led you guys down the wrong path. At least not consciously. Just please. Trust me.”

He meets Eber's eyes and sighs when he gets a nod.

“Okay.”

 

 

He's packing his bag when there's a knock on the door. Kris freezes, tension seeping into his shoulders when he senses that it's his father on the other side. He was hoping to forgo this whole conversation but he should have known better. There was no way that was going to happen.

“Come in.”

The door opens quietly as Neil Allen, King of Arkansas, enters quietly, closing the door firmly behind him before he turns to look straight at Kris.

“You’re really willing to give up your throne, Kris.”

Kris smiles because his father's straightforwardness is something he's always admired about him. He's tried to imitate as often as he can. Royalty or not, there were still moments you weren't allowed to speak your mind the way you'd want.

He brings his mind back to the issue at hand and answers his father's question. “It's not my throne, Dad. It's yours.”

Neil shakes his head in frustration. “You're the next one in line.”

He's well aware of where he falls but the truth was that he'd never been meant to rule. His father had told him that himself when he'd been hold enough to understand. Sometimes a clan didn't pick their king. Sometimes a king picked his clan.

“Dad, it was always supposed to be Adam.”

Neil shakes his head. “I was wrong about that. You – you've done so much for us. Worked harder than anyone else to keep us safe and in power. I can't overlook that.”

Kris rolls his eyes. “I made a couple of business decisions that turned out well. Great. But I can and will still do that as the Prince Consort. It'll be part of my job.”

“That's not all you've --”

“We've lost two territories, Dad. Just in the last year. We need someone the clan will follow.”

“They'll follow you.”

“Remember how you once told me about a clan picking their king?”

Neil nods. “Yes and that's what we've done. We chose you.”

Kris laughs a little. “That's revisionist history, Dad.” He folds another shirt and stuffs it into the duffel before turning to look at his father. “This clan already had a king that chose them. He just got a little lost.”

His father sits on the edge of Kris' bed, shoulders slumped slightly and it hits him, not for the first time, how tired he looks. The burden of everything that he needs to take care of shows in his face now, worn lines etched in his forehead. He does a great job of keeping all that to himself, his public persona that of a boisterous leader. Few get to see this side: the king ready to step down.

“I wish I hadn't pushed him into this. Maybe he would’ve figured it out on his own.”

Kris sits next to his father, slinging an arm over his shoulder. “You saved his life when Cowell would have ended it. You gave him purpose, Dad, when he thought it was over.”

Neil stares out into the distance, his mind somewhere in the past. “Sometimes I feel like _I_ cursed him as much as _he_ did.

Kris says nothing, holds on to his father tighter, because the truth is he's had those same thoughts for years.

 

 

 _It was the wailing that woke him up from the first dreamless sleep he'd had in a long time, and Kris jumps out of bed, running for the hallway before he can even register what it might mean. His first thought is that Uncle Ted found them but he can tell by the way that his brother is standing, wide-eyed, bottom lip trembling that it might be something far worse._

 _That scares him more than the screaming._

 _He reaches for Daniel, pulling him away from the door. He's only ten and has seen far too much already. “Danny, go upstairs.”_

 _“But, Kris--”_

 _“Daniel.”_

 _His brother sighs but moves forward, pausing on the landing to look back at Kris. “It's Adam. Something bad happened with Adam.”_

 _Kris' heart stops for a beat and he wants Daniel to be lying. It can't be Adam. Before he can say anything else Daniel is already disappearing up the stairs and the sound of crying makes him turn back to the door. He pushes it open, his eyes falling on the crowd at the center of the room, and Kris' heart stops. Adam is lying on the floor, blood seeping down his shirt, his eyes rolling to the back of his head and the noises, the wounded sounds Kris had been hearing were his._

 _“Adam!” He's on his knees at his friend's side, taking the pale hand that lies limply on the carpet. “Oh my god. What happened?” He looks up at his father whose face is contorted into a strange mix of anger and sadness. “Dad, what – what – I don't understand.”_

 _“He was attacked by Cowell and Abdul.”_

 _Kris' mind can't wrap itself around that. “But why? Adam isn't part of any of – I don't --”_

 _He can sense someone moving behind his father, sees Neil's face contorted in pain and it's too much. This isn't supposed to be happening. Adam and Leila and Eber and Neil were their friends, family almost. They were special, too. Kris wasn't sure but his mother had once told him that their power was to empower others, to guide them, inspire when they needed to._

 _Now..._

 _Kris looks down at Adam, who shivers in his mother's arms, sweating and writhing. It's never going to be the same for them. Not after this. He grabs hold of Adam's hands, soothes as best he can manage and when Adam turns to look up at him, he wants to kill._

 _There's a sharp, angry ache in his chest. It feels red, like a fire burning, making it difficult to breathe. His hands itch and all he wants to do is tear someone a part._

 _Kris feels hate._

 _An emotion he doesn't know, has never dealt with before._

 _Adam wails once more and Kris thinks he'll never forget the sound._

 _Not for the rest of his life._

 

 

They cook a huge going away feast for Kris and his mother seems to have invited all their families to eat with him. He would complain but he gets a chance to speak to them and it gives him the extra incentive he needs to do this. They talk to him about their worries, their hopes now that Kris is going to find them their king and others worried about him, thanked him for all the work he's done. It makes Kris feels less like a fraud.

Megan and the rest of the staff get their back yard ready while Kris listens to his mother tell him to care of himself for the hundredth time. He hugs both her and Leila before needing to escape into the woods. It's only been a few hours and there are hordes of people milling around. It's scary to see – literally – all the lives that depend on him getting this done.

He nods at Anoop, points toward one of the paths that led through the woods and ignores the alarmed shake of his head, raising an eyebrow in a challenge. Anoop will probably tell Katy but by that point Kris will have a lead. There's nobody in this part of their property and he can barely make out the path that leads to Allison's house. He remembers being afraid of the Iraheta's once. Witches and wizards are incredibly powerful and his grandmother had always warned Kris and his brother about them. But his parents had managed to become friends with just about everyone, never minding what or who they were.

He can't imagine not having them in his life. Any of the people that helped him after...

Kris stares up at the moon, half-full but so bright, and he closes his eyes for a moment before trying to feel his way through the trees, letting the moonbeams guide his way until he's at the edge of the river that crosses through his parent's backyard. There's peace and quiet, something he doesn't get often. He breathes in the night air, can smell the people hundreds of yards behind him, the smoke of the wood for the bonfire, hears the notes of the music that they're playing and feels its hold on him.

He misses playing music so much.

There's never any time for it, but for just this one minute he can remember. Kris plucks at invisible guitar strings, moves his fingers over the riffs, and hums quietly under his breath.

“There's nothing that says you can't still play, you know that, right?”

Kris jumps, turns around to glare at Brad. He hates when he sneaks up on him. “I hate when you do that.”

Brad grins. “I know. It's why I do it.”

“Don't you have more productive ways to use your talent besides trying to scare me?” Kris freezes when he fills the tendrils of Brad in his mind, like fingers stroking over his consciousness.

 _You love it, Kristopher._

“Get out of my head, Brad, or I swear I will kick that pretty ass of yours. And not in a way you'll enjoy.” He almost smiles at the exaggerated frown Brad gives him but he feels him retreat and then it's just Kris in his own head. He's never gotten used to that. Sometimes it's a necessary evil to give Brad the access but Kris only allows it in extreme circumstances.

“What are you doing here, anyway? There's a party going on, Bradley. I expected to find you five sheets to the wind and attempting to get Cass in your bed tonight.”

Brad shrugs, leans against the nearest tree and gives him that familiar mocking look that Kris translates as 'you're so cute'. It's not one that Kris is fond of.

“Oh, but it's still early, baby.” He wiggles his eyebrows and that makes Kris laugh out loud. Brad grins in response and moves to stand next to him, looking over the water with the same fondness Kris knows is in his own gaze.

“You going for a run?”

He glares at Brad for a second then decides he's going to believe that Brad has taken a good guess and nods. “For a little bit, yeah.”

Brad doesn't look him in the eyes as he steps closer to the water, dips a foot in as he crosses his arms, his sigh deep. “I know you have this whole plan and I'm down with that. You know that. But I – Kris, you need to maybe tell Adam how you feel.”

Kris freezes, staring down at his feet as he shakes his head. “We've had this conversation how many times now? He doesn't want to know.” Brad opens his mouth to respond but Kris cuts him off with a hand gesture. “Don't try to tell me otherwise.”

“He was young and stupid and really fucking scared. I know you understand that.”

“Of course I do,” he scowls at Brad, presses his fingers against his wrist and rubs hard at the inked skin there, “I don't blame him for running away.” He turns when Brad snorts in disbelief and raises an eyebrow. “Have I ever lied to you, Bradley?”

“Not on purpose, no. But it's not lying if you've convinced yourself it's the truth.”

Kris closes his eyes and twists away from Brad, not wanting him to sense anything Kris doesn't want to think about. “I hate when you do this.”

“I'm trying to help.”

He knows that much He appreciates it even when it's making his chest hurt and stomach coil tightly. The truth isn't that black and white. He doesn't blame Adam at all for running as fast as he could. Part of Kris wants to do the same, has wanted to for as long as he's been in charge because the responsibility of taking care of so many people isn't easily bearable. The idea of losing anybody is enough to keep Kris up all of hours of the night.

Adam's loss...that was enough to make anyone run.

So he didn't blame him...but he didn't think he could trust Adam fully ever again. And that was a problem because to survive this he needed to.

He glances over at Brad who is studying Kris' face intently and when he meets his friend's gaze, Brad smiles. “I've never had to look further than your face to know what you feel.”

Kris rolls his eyes at him. “That doesn't make me feel much better.”

Brad shrugs. “You've got a mean poker face when you want to, Kris. Just not with us.”

That’s more truth than he wants to admit.

“What are you going to say to him?”

Kris starts removing his shoes slowly, avoiding looking directly at Brad. “Whatever I need to get him to come back and help us.”

“That could end up being any number of unsavory, or really fucking delicious, things, don't you think?”

He doesn't respond, working the button of his jeans open, wiggling until he can step out of them. He pulls his shirt over his head and drops it on top of the rest of his clothes. He needs to clear his head before he leaves and there's only one way he knows how. Kris turns his gaze to Brad and smiles when he finds that he's already getting comfortable at the foot of the nearest tree.

“Fine. I'll stop pushing. You're not gonna listen anyway.” He waves a hand at Kris, leans his head against the trunk at his back and closes his eyes. “Go. Take your stupid run. Wake me up when you're done. I want to say goodbye properly.”

Kris doesn't say a word. He concentrates, gathers the energy that pools in his stomach, feels the rush of it over his limbs and he breathes as the world changes, his body retreating, bones shifting. He can smell the night air, rich with secrets and desires. He takes a step into the woods, his paws digging into the moist dirt and then he pushes on his hind legs, running through the trees until all he can think about is the feels of the wind on his fur, the beating of his heart, the color of the moon.

 

 

 _Kris's eyes fly open at the frustrated growl Adam gives next to him and turns to glance at him. Mr. Jackson is shaking his head, reaching out to grab at Adam's hands, pulling them away from his face._

 _“Stop that, Adam.”_

 _He sounds more amused than truly exasperated so Kris relaxes a little. He knows that Adam gets worse if he feels like he's disappointing Mr. Jackson or Kris' dad or pretty much anyone._

 _“I'm never going to learn how to do this!”_

 _Kris tries not to roll his eyes because Adam can be a drama queen when he wants, and he's only been trying to learn transformation for two weeks. It took Kris years of practice to know how to control his body enough to change at will._

 _“Adam, please. Take it easy, alright? It's not an easy skill to master.”_

 _Adam waves a hand at Kris and pouts, making him look five years old. Kris hides his smile and raises an eyebrow. “Kristopher does it without even thinking.”_

 _Mr. Jackson shares a look with Kris, sighing, as he gets down on his hunches, makes Adam look at him. “Yes, he can. Kris was born wolf, Adam. Even then he still had to learn how to control it and not let it control him. You think he came out of the womb knowing when it was safe to turn or how to manage it without it being too painful?”_

 _Kris shakes his head, remembers his sixth birthday and how he'd accidentally broken an arm to trying to shift back into human form so he wouldn't be caught by the Hunters._

 _Adam makes a face and stands slowly. “I know.”_

 _“Okay. Then, you have to learn a little patience which I realize isn't your strongest trait but you're going to have to work on that.”_

 _Kris laughs when Adam scowls then glances away fast when Adam's face changes and he grins at him, eyes crinkling. It makes Kris' chest feel heavy, cold lump of something settling in his stomach. It's been happening more and more often. He doesn't get what it means. He asked Lil about it but she'd said he'd understand soon enough and that it was normal. Whatever that meant._

 _Mr. Jackson glances down at his watch the up at them. “Why don't you two take your lunch break and we can try it again before you have to head over to Mr. Fuller's class.”_

 _Adam raised both arms over his head with a loud “Yes” making Mr. Jackson laughs, shaking his head as he walks toward the back entrance of the school. After he was out of sight, Adam grabs Kris hand and drags him away to the small clump of trees partially hidden from view. Kris would protest but Adam's hand in his makes him tongue-tied so he just follows._

 _Which isn’t any different than how they usually behave so he goes along, plopping down next to Adam on the grass, watching as he moves to get comfortable, his shoulder leaning on Kris. There was another pulse of – Kris doesn't even know what – down his spine. Adam freezes for only a second before continuing his fidgeting but Kris catches the look that crosses his face: confusion and something he can't really place._

 _“Adam.” He wants to know if it's the same feeling that Kris is having, wants to talk to his best friend about all this._

 _“We should eat.”_

 _Adam pulls open his bag, pulls out the lunch that Cookie had given him that morning as they left the house. Kris holds back a sigh and does the same. It's his favorite: roast beef and Swiss._

 _“I think I figured out how I can understand shifting.”_

 _Kris pauses, sandwich halfway to his mouth, blinks and then says, “Okay. But, seriously, Adam it's okay if it takes some time.”_

 _“I learned how to control it easily. This – shouldn't be any more difficult.”_

 _That was probably logical thinking. Kris doesn't know what it feels like for Adam. Not shifting had always been harder for him. If they'd allowed it, Kris thinks he would have spent his entire childhood running through woods in his wolf form._

 _Adam was the opposite. His control is so tight on it that he can't actually gather the energy to change when he wants to. Megan's theory is that Adam is afraid. He wasn't born into this, he was turned and that had been traumatic. Kris tends to agree with that. Adam is blocking himself._

 _The fear of what he becomes takes over. It's not something Kris can fully understand but he wants to help any way he can._

 _“What's your idea?” He asks to keep Adam from getting too morose. It makes their days feel longer when Adam isn't enjoying himself. He sets his lunch aside when Adam does and turns to look at him._

 _“Lil told me that you can – open your mind up to someone if they allow it. That there's some kind of connection between the clans.”_

 _Kris nods slowly. When he and Daniel were kids, they'd manage to hold entire conversation in their heads. They rarely used it unless they were hunting but he wasn't sure exactly what Adam was trying to ask._

 _Adam scooted in closer and Kris jerked slightly away. He smelled so good that Kris sometimes wanted to crawl into Adam's lap, bury his nose in his neck and stay there. But that wasn't – he didn't think Adam would appreciate that at all. He's learning to keep his distance._

 _Adam is giving him a strange look._

 _“You okay?”_

 _Kris nods but when he speaks his voice sounds rough to his own ears. “Yeah, I'm good. Just – tell me what you need.”_

 _Adam grabs his hands, interlaces their fingers and Kris can't breathe, his heart is beating so fast he might pass out from it. “Can you think about shifting?”_

 _It doesn't work that way for him._

 _“Adam, I don't know what I think...”_

 _He gets a hand flap in his direction and shuts up. Adam takes his other hand, and this is getting ridiculous, then leans in until he's all Kris can sense._

 _“Just think about it, go through the steps that you do but close your eyes, picture it in your mind as you do.”_

 _Kris does as Adam asks, closing his eyes as he tightens his hold on Adam's hands. He breathes deep, reaches for the energy like he always does, finds it throbbing, bright at his center and he pushes the images that are suddenly in his head out toward Adam. He moves closer, feels Adam there and touches his mind._

 _The images assault him at a great speed, flashing across his consciousness like a reel of scenes in Adam's life. Leila's face, loving and amused, as she dresses Adam up in his costume: the mermaid one. Neil, two years old, laughing when Adam hugs him. Neil, showing Adam how to bait a line despite Adam’s clear disgust for it. The first time Adam met Kris in the hallway. The terror and aching wound of his attack, turning for the first time and his resistance against that change. He hadn't wanted to grow fur, to have his entire body rearranged, to be an animal. It went by too fast but Kris saw himself in Adam's mind and then he caught it, this quick glimpse of limbs and mouths, heat and want and..._

 _Kris drops Adam's hands, scrambles away, knees shaking and he has to lean on the tree to keep from falling. Adam is behind him, panicked and apologizing but Kris can't soothe him. That'll have to wait until he stops freaking out. Because –_

 _That had been him and Adam together. And it hadn't come from Adam. It was a flash of something that would be. It happens to Kris sometimes. He sees images that he knows aren’t just dreams or fantasy...they’re snatches of what’s to come. It doesn’t happen often but when it does he’s usually asleep._

 _But –_

 _Lil's voice played in his mind._

 _“You'll know soon, Kris. Trust in that.”_

 _He does. He gets it._

 _Adam isn't just his best friend or the man who'd become his king._

 _He is so much more._

 _Adam is his mate._

 __

_San Francisco, CA._

 

Music plays loud, beats that float through the crowd, finding space between the bodies that litter at the bar, on the dance floor or, like him, in the booths hidden back in shadows. This place isn’t what he had expected at all. When Brad had told him where to go, he'd thought there might be more...glitter, at least.

Kris wonders why it surprises him that it wasn't what he'd imagined.

 _He’s_ never been predictable, why would he start now?

Kris lets his wandering gaze fall on the young man at the bar, blinks when he's met with wide eyes and a large smile. The incisors glisten like pin points, make him chuckle to himself. He can't be more than nineteen. Or well, wasn't more than nineteen at the time. The boy turns to speak to the bartender briefly, stares back and Kris almost panics when he glides – he wonders how the hell they manage to do that – across the room, sits at Kris' side.

“Hi.”

For an opening line, it leaves something to be desired but Kris doesn't say anything, nods his head once. “Hi.”

“Can I sit here?”

Kris starts to say no but then one of the waitresses comes over with another beer and the boy smiles at him. “I figured you could use a refill.”

His mother had always taught him to be polite – didn't matter who it was offering, he wasn't to be rude.

Unless absolutely necessary.

“Thank you.” He pushes it to the side, takes another sip from his lukewarm one and meets curious gray eyes.

“My name's Darren.” Darren's voice is low, steady in a way that's meant to lure you in, make you feel safe and warm. It's working. Kris' body awakens a little at it but his mind isn't engaged in any way. He feels like he should thank Randy for the hours of training he'd made them all endure when they were kids.

Darren is ridiculously pretty, Kris thinks and smiles when a hand is stretched out toward him. The gaze that locks onto his is lulling, calming and Kris raises an eyebrow as he takes the cold palm into his own warm one, growls out his quiet response.

“Not gonna happen.”

The vamp gives him a large grin, drags one finger across Kris' palm when he extracts his hand from Kris'. “I thought you looked like trouble.”

Kris laughs a little, shakes his head. “You got the wrong guy, then. I'm just here for the show.” He motions toward the stage being set up. “Sorry.”

Darren doesn't believe him. “I think there's more to it but we don't know each other well enough for me to ask yet.”

“Don't think that'll be happening, Darren.” Kris salutes him with the beer in his hand. He won't be drinking the one Darren bought which is a shame. It's his favorite kind.

“Can't blame a guy for trying.” Darren gives him the once over. “You're adorable. For a canine.”

Kris rolls his eyes. “Says the undead guy.”

Darren laughs, lick his lips and leans forward to whisper close to Kris' ear. “If you change your mind, I'll be right over here.” He winks as he gets up, moves toward the end of the bar. It's been some time since anyone picked him up and he's more amused than he should be. He brings his attention back to the front of the club. It's smaller than it looked from outside with a crowd that he should expected. The room is hot with the bodies around him. The lightening is bad, almost too dark. That's good for him –less chance of being seen.

There's rumbling from the stage, a large man with a striped rainbow Mohawk stands in front of the mic, taps on it to get the audience's attention. Kris smiles at the nervous gulp he gives before speaking.

“Hey everyone. What's up?”

That makes Kris laugh, the chorus of mumbled responses getting lost in the din of the bar.

“So, well. Okay. This is fucking stupid.”

There's laughter now and Kris feels for the guy. He hates that kind of focus on him.

“You're all here to see one guy, right?”

Applause and hoots erupt around him and the guy grins wide, claps his hands over his head. “Right. So here he is.” He points to the side stage and Kris straightens in his seat, hands clutching on the edge of the table. There are rattlers in his stomach. His heart is beating too fast. Kris thinks he might be having a heart attack.

Five years hadn't stopped what he felt.

It’s worse now.

The room is almost dark, the murmurs quieting to an occasional whisper and then there's the sound of a flick, one spotlight on the stage.

Kris can't breathe when Adam steps out of the darkness and into the bright white of light. His eyes roam the room, stopping where Kris is, making him recoil back into the shadows.

Adam can't know he's there.

Not yet.

Adam grins.

“We're The Citizen Vein.”

The band starts playing and it's like it always was with Adam. His voice fills up all those empty spaces, makes it hard to think, throws every emotion at the crowd until it's too much to bear.

Kris remembers the very first time he'd heard it. Remembers the last time. He wonders as he watches the guitarist what Monte would think of this. Adam turns to the short blonde, pulling his hair back twisting his face up and smashes their mouths together. Kris looks away, catches Darren's eyes when he does, sees the pity there.

It's not necessary. Kris is a big boy. He can handle this even when it doesn't seem like he can. He makes his gaze fall back on the stage, breathes easier when Adam moves to the front the stage, belting out the last notes of the song.

Adam's voice takes him back to the beginning...how they got here...what led Kris to where he was.

It's the past neither of them can escape.

No matter how hard they try.

 

 

Adam leans back in the soft leather of the arm chair, pats Alisan's arm as she walks by with some drinks, motions for her to bring him one.

She nods with a wave, long sleeves of her dress shimmering in the light coming from the stage. “Keep your leather on, Princess.”

He grins at her, makes a face when she sticks her tongue out at him. His gaze studies the pickings in the room. Adam is always high and horny after a show. It's when he likes to sit back with a drink and find somewhere to lose himself. His skin crawls with the need to fuck, to take and have. It's been growing inside and he makes that mental note to get the next few days off.

He can feel the urge moving in him, knows that if he doesn't give in, he won't be able to keep control when the time comes.

Normally, it's not this much of a problem. He can ignore it when he's on stage, take all the adulation, cheering and feed the need. He walks down wanting a release but – this is different. Adam is aware of someone else completely. He doesn't who it is or how he knows them.

Adam searches the room for anyone he recognizes.

There are several figures at the bar with their backs to him and he eyes them carefully. Two of them he's slept with recently. Two are with the band that played before his performance. One he knows as Darren – the vamp that mostly keeps to himself and out of trouble.

Three of them he can't see from this distance.

He thinks maybe Alisan can help with that.

She appears before him with an interested look and he jumps. “I hate when you do that.” Elves as friends (and lovers) are a pain in the ass.

“Only when I do it to you. In all other cases you think it's hilarious.”

Adam sighs. “Are you going to shut up and let me tell you –”

“Sorry to interrupt.”

Adam looks up, grins at his favorite bartender. “Sasha!” He glances behind her and the crowd forming at the bar. “What's going on?”

She points to the end of the bar, gives him a lecherous grin. “That little, delicious, pretty boy on the end sent this over to you.” She places his favorite drink on the table – the deep red liquid leaving a shadow at the bottom of the glass.

The pretty boy turns and Adam gives him an approving look. He's wearing a black shirt made of some shimmering material he thinks Cassidy would appreciate and be able to name. The thought gives him a pang, makes him focus back on his suitor. There are two other people on his side of the bar. A woman wearing way too much make-up and a halter that has seen better days. The only other person is tiny, with hair that sticks up in the back and jeans that fit very snugly on him. Unfortunately, he's wearing a hideous plaid shirt. When he figured out what was going on with Pretty Boy, he'd have to give the kid some pointers because. Really.

He looks up at Alisan, says. “Never mind,” and gets up from the table with a determined bounce to his step.

“Wait, Adam. I don't –”

He shakes his head. “That's probably what I was sensing.” He throws her a smile over his shoulder, ignores the way her hands are flailing at him. She's too cautious. Not that he blames her or isn't the same way. Now, he knows where it was coming from and he can figure out what it means. The closer he gets, the more he feels that sensation under his skin grow. He feels hot, disoriented and his heart is beating fast.

This isn't right.

The only time he'd ever felt anything like this was...

But that was too many years of denial ago.

“Thank you for the drink.”

He leans against the bar, watches green eyes widen at seeing him, nervous smile. Adam can sense confusion, a little fear and he doesn't know what to think. “How did you know that was my drink?”

There's movement behind him, heat radiating down his back and it makes him shiver involuntarily.

Pretty Boy gives him a befuddled look, laughs a little hollowly. “I'm – I didn't.”

Adam's relaxed stance disappears, paranoia taking its place. “They said the pretty boy at the bar –”

“I think she meant me.”

His breath catches in his throat at the voice. Adam turns around, finds his gaze on warm brown eyes and a self-deprecating smile that had stayed with him since the first time he'd seen it.

He blinks a few times because this isn’t real.

This is a dream.

One of the long drawn out ones that he let himself believe were good and beautiful – the one’s that inevitably turned into nightmares of blood and loss where he'd wake up curled into a ball in the middle of his bed.

The smile falters, brown gaze dimming and Adam wants it to come back, needs it to.

This is what he'd been feeling.

“Kris.”

That gets him a wide, toothy grin and a laugh that runs straight down his spine, pools into desire there. His already hard cock twitches and Adam holds back a groan, flashes to the one brief taste he'd had of Kris. It still lingers in his memory.

He looks different than the twenty year old that had begged him to stay.

“Adam.”

Kris still says his name like no one else does.

 

 

It's like the start of so many dreams he's had over the last few years that Adam almost believes for one second that Kris isn't actually standing in front of him. That it's all in his head. But then Kris smiles again, that slow-burner one that gives him this ridiculous kick of want in his gut, and he knows this isn't a fantasy: it's Kris, standing in front of him right now.

He should move, he knows that much, but it's been too long since he actually thought this would happen that it's like his mind is completely stuck on the fact that Kris is here.

The silence stretches until it's more than awkward, Kris' smile falling in increments until his face is blank, eyes flitting away from Adam's.

There's someone standing next to him and he feels a gentle push in his mind that makes him break the moment.

“What are you doing here?”

It comes out terse, a little angry, and he hadn't meant it to, that but there it is. He knows it's irrational to feel that way because –

“I came to see you, obviously.”

Adam pauses for a moment at the sarcastic tone in Kris' voice. It's one he’s rarely heard before and never directed at him. Though, really, it shouldn't shock him at all. He can see something flash in Kris' eyes when he glances up at Adam, but it's gone as soon as it came and then he's focused on Alisan standing next to Adam, that easy smile on his face again.

“You must be Alisan.” He sticks his hand out to her, waits until she grips it before flashing her a quick grin. “Brad likes you. A lot.”

“Wait...Brad?” Adam blinks and looks around the bar quickly, because he wouldn't put it past Brad to jump out at him and take him down before Adam has a chance to defend himself. He turns back to Kris and raises an eyebrow.

Kris shakes his head. “He's not here now. It's just me.” He motions to an empty booth and holds Adam's stare. “Can we sit down for a minute?”

He wants to say no. It's forming on his lips when Alisan digs her fingernails into his arm and leads them to the booth. He can see Kris from the corner of his eye and turns to look at him as he stops at the edge of the table.

“It's not going to take long, Adam.”

He ignores the way his heart speeds up at Kris' voice, the way his name falls from his mouth, the resignation that Adam is going to break his heart clear in his eyes. He can still read Kris better than anyone, he thinks. He can feel his fear wrapped around love and anger, emotions that have always been easy for Adam but not Kris. He thinks he can push further, actually manage to read Kris' mind but Alisan's voice draws him out.

“I'll go get us some drinks,” Alisan says, giving Adam a shake of her head and patting Kris' shoulder on her way to the bar. Adam forgets sometimes how strong her powers can be. Someone like Kris is like an open book for her. He glances back at his – he doesn't even know what to call him anymore – sitting across from him. There's a sudden loss of something between them and Adam realizes Kris has locked him out completely. The irritation he feels isn't fair but it's there nonetheless.

He knows how to handle this, has been pretty much preparing for it since he disappeared and makes his body relax, lounges back into his seat and meets Kris' steady gaze with one of his own. The smile he sends Kris is slow, meant to distract, charm, and Adam falls into the act easily. “Well, Kristopher, you look _good.”_

Kris' eyebrows go up before he looks down at himself then back at Adam skeptically. “I doubt that highly, Adam. But I appreciate you saying it anyway.”

Adam wants to protest, clenches a fist as he watches Kris throw another smile Alisan's way when she places a drink in front of him. He's always hated that Kris can't see what Adam does. Those big brown eyes you can drown in, the wide mouth: pouty and full, that always produced warm grins. Kris' face had always been beautiful to him. He doesn't actually say any of that because there are things Kris doesn't need to know Adam thinks about.

Like how Adam's heart starts beating faster when he looks at Kris and he smiles or how just being this close is making him hard. The truth of the matter is that Adam wants to climb Kris and touch him, kiss him, fuck him until they both can't bear it. It's not a new sensation but it's never been this strong, this complete, and Adam knows that Kris has been right along.

He closes his eyes and breathes steadily.

Mates.

 _Fuck._

“Adam?”

His eyes pop open and he glances at Kris who is looking at him with concern. Adam flicks his gaze to the stage so he doesn't have to see that on Kris' face. This is going to be hard enough.

“What's going on, Kris? It's been five years and I –”

“You need to come home.”

Adam freezes, turns his head slowly to stare at Kris, blinking a few times because he's pretty sure he didn't just hear that. Kris had promised. He knows –

“You – no, you're not. Kris, we – you know I can't.”

“Hear me out –”

Adam shakes his head, fingers trembling against the table and he sees Kris look down at his hands, shutting down the words he'd been about to say. When he meets Adam's eyes, there's so much pain there that it takes him aback.

Kris' voice is soft when he says, “I would never have come – I wouldn't ask if I had any other choice, Adam. You know that.”

And damn if Adam doesn't know that's the truth.

He hears the tremor in his Kris’ voice, remembers what it means when he holds himself so still, the glint in his eyes tells Adam that Kris isn't going to just back down from this with a simple 'no' from him.

Not looking up from the table, Adam folds his hands together and takes a deep breath.

“It took me three months to get out of bed. You remember?” He feels Kris' nod rather than sees it. “And when I did all I wanted to do was run away from every memory of Drake. I loved him and because of that he died.” He stops Kris' protest with a quick hand gesture. “Maybe I wasn't the one that tore him to pieces, but you and I both know I was the one that put him in that position.”

“You talk about him like he didn't have a mind of his own. As if he didn't understand what the risks were being with you...to be a part of what we are.” Kris' says tightly and that makes Adam raise his head to look at him. His face is completely blank, but the fire in his eyes sparks heat and want inside of Adam. It’s so fierce and bright that he has to clutch his hand on the table edge to keep from moving.

“It was my job to protect him. I didn't.”

Kris sighs. “It's not your job to protect me. I can do that on my own. This wouldn't be the same, Adam.”

He knows that.

This would be worse.

Losing Drake had left him paralyzed with fear and guilt. It shouldn't have happened. Drake should never have been a target. But Adam had been too much of a coward to admit what had been in front of his eyes. He'd used Drake to avoid the truth and because of that he was dead. That was what he couldn't let go of.

But if he went home – if he did what they wanted him to do – and something happened –

Adam knows he could never survive losing Kris. He needs to make sure that doesn't happen, so he digs deep, closes off his face and gives Kris his patented smirk. “Of course not. You're not my boyfriend. You aren't human and fragile. You won't be used as a way to hurt me, because that's not who you are to me.”

He feels a little sick by the words he's saying. Alisan had come by to refresh their drinks and is standing at the edge of the booth, staring at him, bug-eyed and stunned. She knew the truth. She'd heard Adam cry over missing his family. Over not being able to be with Kris. Adam had told her what he felt for Kris – how it was overwhelming and addicting.

Alisan knew the real reason he'd run so far away.

He kept his eyes on Kris, though, waiting for the devastation Kris had shown so many years ago when Adam had lied – had told him he didn't love him that way. It had ripped a hole right through Adam's heart and he'd hoped to never have to repeat it. Yet here he was.

Adam thinks he might have done the job too well the first time, because Kris doesn't flinch, his eyes steady on Adam's as he takes in everything Adam said. Something flickers over his face, but it's gone before Adam can read it and he's surprised when Kris nods like he had expected this.

“I understand that. That's not what I was implying at all. But you're the only hope we have.”

Adam shrugs, can't look at Kris. “Then I'm sorry for you. Because I'm not going to be able to help you.” He waves a hand around. “This is my life, Kris. I like it. I do what I love.” He points at Alisan as he continues. “I have friends – family I chose.” It's a low blow and there's just a bit of satisfaction when he sees Kris' face twitch before he’s able to school it into passive blankness again. It reassures Adam that he's not taking to a robot or an impostor. The control Kris has now is impressive.

“I'm not going back.” He wants to make that very clear to Kris.

Kris sighs, nodding as he looks at his hands. “You're not even going to listen. I knew that.” He sounds somewhat disappointed but really, that's not his problem. Kris knew what Adam would say.

He meets Adam's gaze. “I can wait.”

Kris stands up, smiling at Alisan as he lays down enough cash to cover the bill and tip. Adam starts to protest, but Kris is walking around the nearby tables, is across the room and out the door before he can even formulate an argument.

Adam stares at the spot where Kris had been long after he's gone. He senses Alisan and brings his eyes to hers.

Her smile is radiant. “I like him.”

 

 

He should have realized it wasn't going to be that easy. He knows Kris almost as well as he's known anyone in his life.

The little fucker is stubborn.

He burrows into your heart and life, no matter what you do to keep him out, and the worst of the matter is that he doesn't purposely do _anything_ for that to happen. He's just his awesome self and you find that your life is better for having him in it. Adam made himself forget about that part in the last five years.

But now he can't, because Kris is _everywhere._

The morning after their discussion – if that's what you can call an ambush – he walks into his favorite cafe, the one down the block from his apartment and stops dead in his tracks at the door. Kris is leaning across the counter talking to Cam. She throws her head back at whatever Kris says, reaching out to straighten up his shirt collar and Adam squelches the irrational need to slap her hands away.

Kris turns and sees him, pulls back and smiles softly, waving shyly.

Adam swivels on his heel and walks out.

 

 

“He asked me about a place to stay.”

Adam chokes on the drink Alisan had just dropped at his table, turning huge eyes up at her as he croaked out a “He _what?”_

She shrugs, giving him the same disapproving look she has for a week now. Alisan wants him to talk to Kris, to listen, and Adam – he can't. No one seems to realize that. Especially none of his supposed friends who've been charmed by Kris.

“I let him rent Scarlett's room until she comes home.”

 _“You what?”_

Alisan rolls her eyes and walks away.

 

 

“If you would just talk to the dude then maybe it would end. Did you think about that?” Tommy snaps at him after the third rant Adam lays on him about Kris in as many hours. “You're being a bitch, Adam.”

It's not that fucking simple.

He knows what Kris wants and he's not capable of it. That's not who he is.

“You have no idea what you're talking about.”

Tommy makes a face, glancing at the bar where Kris is handing out drinks. He'd gotten the job at the club the second week he'd been in town, somehow completely winning Sasha over. Adam watches as one of the regulars – he thinks his name is Darren – saunters up and grins at Kris.

“Maybe what he wants has changed, Adam.”

When Kris flashes a grin at Darren and then laughs loud enough for Adam to feel it in his bones, something burns in his gut.

 

 

He does eventually start talking to him because all of his friends love Kris. Adam wants to shake them all for it. He can't avoid Kris when he goes out for dinner with them, when he goes dancing with them (although Kris hasn't changed in regards to that and won't get out on the floor), when Adam runs into him when he's getting coffee or coming out of his apartment. Kris is stalking him into submission. Adam never goes looking for him or starts conversations but he realizes he doesn't act like Kris is the devil anymore every time he sees him.

Kris doesn't tell him what he wants though. Adam keeps expecting it but Kris never brings anything up.

So he has no choice but to say something to him.

He finds him at the club before opening one night, talking with Sasha as he dries glasses. Adam plops down next to Sasha, kisses her cheek and turns to Kris. “Hey.”

He pauses for a moment, looks at Adam and nods. “Hey yourself.”

“Enjoying the job?”

“It's alright.” He grabs another glass and begins rubbing at it, short and angry moves. He can still read Adam pretty well, then, so why bother pretending.

“When are you going home?”

Sasha scowls at him over her newspaper but doesn't comment.

Kris doesn't take his eyes off his chore. “When you come with me.”

And that was the end of that conversation.

 

 

There's something different about Kris.

It's not the obvious, like how _really_ fucking good he looks, because that's not entirely new. Kris has always been beautiful to him. The quiet confidence he'd always had is still there. Adam watches him move around the club, his moves graceful and quick. He still makes friends easily anywhere he goes – which doesn't help Adam to get rid of him – and he listens like every word you say matters. Adam loves that best about him, always has.

It takes a few weeks of quietly studying him as he works or talks with Adam's friends that it hits him.

Kris' smile is different.

It's still brilliant and makes Adam's insides shake when it’s directed at him (despite Adam's constant angry one word greetings) but it's less open than he remembers. There's darkness in him, something sad and pained in Kris' eyes at times. He shakes it off quickly, but Adam catches him probably because he knows Kris' face, his expressions, what he looks like when he's really happy.

Adam tries not to think about that he’s probably the reason for Kris closing off.

 

 

Kris doesn't seek him out or anything. He doesn't stalk Adam or get in his way when they end up in the same room. It might be easier for Adam if he did. If he could muster up more anger, anything to push against the lure of having him so close.

He'd forgotten how funny Kris was without even trying. Adam will be sitting at the bar and Kris will all of sudden make a catty comment about one of the customers and he'll find himself laughing hard, meeting Kris twinkling eyes.

There's a kindness to Kris that Adam has rarely seen in people – this empathy for the ones hurting around him. For a while, when they were kids, his mother had been convinced Kris had more than the normal powers that came with their kind. But Kris simply felt too much and that extended to anyone close to him.

He tries to makes Adam feel better when he's having one of his bad days. Most people leave him be when he gets like this. He picks the darkest corner of the club and sits to watch the performances. Drinks and mauls over things he'd rather not think about. It's been happening more and more over the last year. This itch that makes it impossible to sleep at night. It'd been a while since it's happened but it's closer to the surface now, unable to be avoided.

Kris takes his break, brings Adam a refill and then flops next to him, chatters quietly about everything and nothing. He doesn't seem to expect Adam to reply so he doesn't, just lets the words wash over him. Kris leaves when it's his turn back at the bar, skimming a hand over Adam's shoulder and squeezes.

Adam feels the phantom touch of his fingers for hours.

 

 

He shows up at Alisan’s with a pizza and Kris' favorite movies.

The smile he receives makes his insides feel a little wobbly. He's learned over the years to ignore that, so he smiles back and walks toward the entertainment center. Over pepperoni with extra cheese and the dumbest action movie in the world, it comes flooding back. The memories of growing up with Kris, the first time he met him, the first time he realized what it meant that he shivered when Kris was near. He glances over; Kris' attention is completely on what's happening on the screen, and he has to clench his hand to keep from reaching out.

It's a little like torture but he can't help himself.

So many years without feeding on Kris' light and love have left him starving for it.

He forces his eyes back at the television and leans closer to Kris, drinks in the warmth he generates and lets that be enough.

 

 

“You need to tell him.”

Adam doesn't glance up from the books. Math has never been his forte and he has to concentrate to get the figures to make sense.

“Adam.”

“Leave it alone, Ali.”

“He should know why you left. The real reason.”

He locks eyes with her. “Don't.”

She lets out an angry noise and stomps to the backroom. Adam hopes she does the inventory he'd asked her to do two hours ago while she’s in there.

Sighing, Adam goes back to his calculations.

 

 

“Alisan says there's something I don't know.” Kris says a few days later and Adam drops the spoon he'd been using to stir the pasta he was making for him.

“There's tons you don't know yet, Kristopher. Like when to stop being stubborn.”

“Hmmm.”

Adam raises an eyebrow, mouth twitching up and he's proud of how steady his voice is. “You going home soon?”

Kris shrugs. “You ready to come with me?”

Adam points a finger at him. “See?”

Kris rolls his eyes but the smile he tries to cover is amused.

 

 

Kris doesn't play music anymore.

Adam notices this about the forth week that Kris is working at the bar. Sasha asks if anyone can play the piano for one of the acts coming up since their piano player is a no show. He looks down the bar at Kris. He's staring hard at the glass he's cleaning and doesn't volunteer for it. One of their regulars, Greg, says he can do it and Sasha high-fives him as she takes him up to the stage.

He doesn't say anything until he sees the longing glance Kris gives the piano on his way out the door after his shift is over.

Adam grabs his jacket, says goodnight to the clean-up crew and steps out after Kris. The night air is thick with the impending rain that's been threatening for days. He calls out to Kris. When he gets up to him, he nudges him with his shoulder and asks. “Was there a reason you didn't want to play tonight?”

Kris tenses, moves away from Adam and shakes his head. “I don't – do that – anymore.”

Adam frowns. “Don't do what? Play the piano?”

Kris shrugs. “Play music.”

That's not what he was expecting.

“Wait-- what?”

“I don't want to talk about this, Adam.”

He wishes he could push, but he doesn't have a right. Not when he asks Kris to leave his own scars alone.

“Okay.”

Kris seems relieved and throws him a wary smile. “Okay.”

 

 

He almost kisses Kris.

They manage to have a day off together and Kris convinces Adam to show him the town. He's aware that Kris has been to San Francisco on business before, because Adam kept those kinds of tabs on him, but Kris reassures him that he's not trying to waste his time.

“I've never been a tourist, Adam. Stop being stupid and show me around your city.”

In the end, they spend the day doing all those things Adam's avoided for years. He takes Kris to the Golden Gate Bridge and Golden Gate Park, Fisherman's Wharf and Ghirardelli Square. He feels ridiculous but underneath all that there's this happiness he hasn’t felt since he left home.

It's not much of a revelation when he realizes it's because Kris is his home, that when he looks at him all he can feel is love.

Kris turns his head to smile at him and Adam leans down, stopping when Kris' eyes widen, lips parting in surprise.

Adam pulls away, wipes his hands on his jeans, clearing his throat as he motions to the waiting car.

“We should get home.”

 

 

 _“I think this is the craziest idea you've ever had.”_

 _Adam snorts. “Not even close, Kris. I've had way worse.” He can feel Kris roll his eyes but he doesn't care, grabbing another record from the top shelf of his dad's closet. He places gently into his bag like he had the others then wraps a hand around Kris' wrist, heading out the door. They avoid their parents who are spending their visit catching up in the garden, laughing and joking._

 _Adam's relieved because it's been a while since his parents had a lot to be happy about. It's been three years since his change, though, and he thinks they've gotten used to the idea. They love the Allens like family and that had helped, but he knows that his mother was devastated Adam couldn't live with them anymore._

 _But that's before and things are better. He's happy where he is. It doesn't hurt that he's going to be king one day. He follows Kris up to his room, glances at the back of his best friend's head and frowns. The only thing that bothers him is that at times he feels like he's taking what belongs to Kris._

 _When they reach Kris' room, Adam drops on the bed, and watches Kris pull out the old record player he'd found in one of the storage rooms a few weeks ago. He grins up at Adam, pushing his legs out of the way and settles the player on the bed. Adam fishes out the first record and hands it to him, grinning at the gentle way Kris handles it. “It's not made of paper, man.”_

 _Kris ignores him and when he finally manages to get it playing, Adam claps enthusiastically. They lie back on the bed, listening to the sweet notes of music, Kris is smiling softly and Adam understands why he loves The Beatles so much. There's depth in it that you don't expect from such light-hearted music. But if you pay attention, it's got so much to say._

 _He leans up on his elbows and smiles down at Kris, eyes closed and a happy little smile on his face. Adam bumps his arm and when Kris eyes open he says softly, “This reminds me of you.”_

 _Kris blinks._

 _“I mean, unexpected, you know? But in a good way.” Adam trips his words out of his mouth and when Kris only continues to stare, he starts to take it back._

 _But then Kris is leaning up, in Adam's space and the next breath, his mouth covers Adams. He freezes in place, Kris' lips tugging at his and for one second he opens his mouth, hears the groan that escapes from his own throat. He falls into Kris for a moment, takes in the sharp release of air and then Adam's brain catches up with the rest of him. He places hands on Kris' shoulders and gently pushes him away._

 _“Kris, what – what was that?”_

 _Kris goes pale, eyes shiny and pained as he stammers. “Oh, god. I'm sorry. Adam, I just -” Kris covers his face with his hands and Adam heart falls into his stomach._

 _“No-no, it's okay. I-I – just. Kris, I'm not sure – I wasn't prepared for that, you know. But – I –” His fingers are trembling, mind running rampant with all these words he can't seem to get out._

 _He takes a moment to compose himself and sits next to Kris. It's not like he hadn't been aware that Kris looks at him differently than before. Adam hadn't looked too closely because Kris was his best friend and almost like family. “You know I love you. You're my best friend but -” His heart is hammering away in his chest, his body thrumming with awareness. This can't happen with Kris. There's too much at stake and if Adam screws it up--_

 _Kris takes a deep breath, glances up and his eyes are clear now. He shakes his head and gives Adam a wry smile. “Well, this is going to be awkward.”_

 _Adam's laugh hinges on the hysterical but he pulls Kris into a hug, breathes into his hair. “Like hell it will.” Kris flails his arms before settling them on Adam's back, squeezing him tightly._

 _“Don't hate me.”_

 _Adam rolls his eyes and huffs in annoyance. “Don't be stupid.” He pulls back and smiles at Kris. “We'll just – it happens.”_

 _Kris cracks a smile. “Yeah. Right. All the time.”_

 _He grins and shrugs. “Besides, it wasn't bad. You been practicing with your hand again?” A pillow smacks him in the face and Adam laughs at Kris' indignant “I was like five!”_

 _Kris sends another pillow at him and Adam's chest loosens, ignores whatever else he's feeling and thinks that it'll be okay. They'll get past this._

 

 

He tries to avoid being alone with Kris after that.

Tommy glares at him when he doesn't answer Kris' calls.

Alisan sighs, touches his head gently as she drifts past him and he feels her support.

Kris stops trying to talk to him after a week.

 

 

It takes a month for Adam to break.

He's had a bad week.

The thing is – he loves his life. Most of it, at least. He loves the part where he gets to sing, and be with his friends. The part where he doesn't have to be responsible to anyone but himself.

It's everything else that he doesn't like.

He manages the club during the day when they act as a restaurant and sometimes it makes him want to smash heads into walls. There's an apartment he sleeps in but has never decorated or filled with any real belongings because, as Alisan once told him, “this isn't your home, it's not where you truly want to be” and he can't disagree. He won't ever admit that, but he's self-aware enough to know truth when he hears it. He misses his parents: Neil's acerbic wit, the Allens and their unconditional acceptance and love, Allison's stupid laugh and Brad's loud colorful way of being. Kris'...everything.

Before Kris reappeared into his life, he'd been able to just push those thoughts aside, stick them in that box in his mind that he pushes all the way to the back where he doesn't have to think about it.

But now –

Now he can't because Kris brings it all back. In technicolor and surround sound. All of those buried feelings start emerging and Adam wants. He wants to be home, to see his mother laugh, to listen to his father's advice whether Adam needs to or not, to drive Neil to throw his hands up in the air and leave the room in a huff. He misses the way Alli would fall into giggles at one of his lame jokes, Brad's exasperation when Adam ignored what he said...and pretty much everything about Kris.

It doesn't matter that he's right there, that Adam can touch him...that makes it worse. Because he really needs to. Every day he sees Kris it gets more difficult not to pull him into a hug, kiss him until he stops looking so sad all the time.

He needs to not feel again.

Those thoughts are what drive him to get stupid drunk that night. He walks into Sasha's with a determined look that makes Alisan frown and when she pushes into his mind, he pushes back and slams it shut. She looks surprised, but they've had this talk. When he says no, he means it. She turns away to finish with her customer but a few minutes later Tommy is at his side. He can only assume Alisan had sent him.

“Hey.” He lays a hand on Adam's head, brushes his fingers through his hair. “You okay?”

Adam can only guess how off his grin must look by the way Tommy grimaces when he sees it. “I'm fucking peachy. Let's get some drinks over here.” He motions for one of the waiters, flirts with him as he takes their order and doesn't look toward the bar at all.

He can feel Kris' gaze on him as he orders shot after shot.

Tommy tries to get him to slow down some, but Adam isn't having any of that. He wants to be numb, to forget, to pretend. He's been trying for weeks to ignore Kris but that hasn't worked. It's like he's decided to punish Adam finally for leaving him. He deserves it, that's not even up for debate, but Kris had promised he wouldn’t.

“What?” Tommy asks him, confusion on his face.

Elves are known for their observational skills and yet Tommy really doesn't catch on quickly.”

“He promised me.” Adam slurs, taking another gulp of his drink and he wishes he could still taste it. He motions toward the bar. “Kris, he said he wouldn't – and now he's here – and I can't look at him without wanting to, like, put my mouth on some part of him and –”

“Okay, that's it! I'm cutting your ass off.” Tommy reaches for Adam's glass – the bastard – and attempts to yank it out of his hand, but Adam clutches it to his chest, shaking his head. He bats at Tommy's fingers when keeps trying to grab at Adam's drink.

“Oh my god, Adam. Gimme!” He finally manages to rip it out of Adam's grip and stares hard at him. “You need to fucking get a hold of yourself, man. If this is killing you so much Talk. To. Him.”

Adam looks to the bar. Yeah, that's what he needs to do, talk to Kris. Tell him to go home. He straightens his shirt, runs a hand over his hair and wobbles a little when he steps in Kris' direction. He can vaguely hear Tommy saying “I didn't mean now, Adam! Come back here!” but he's already weaving his way to Kris. He spots him at the end of the bar, smiling up at a customer. It doesn't reach his eyes and Adam recognizes the man in front of Kris.

Blake is a regular at the club, sometimes plays a gig or two when they are low on acts. Normally, Adam gets along fine with him. There's an unspoken truce in Sasha's club. You don't mess with others, no matter what they are. Not that Adam would. He'd been raised to respect everyone equally regardless of what they were. Vamp or not, Blake was a decent guy.

Except he seems to be hitting on Kris and it's not like Adam has any claims (he tells his inner voice which sounds remarkably like Brad to shove it when it contradicts that thought) but Kris looks uncomfortable. He knows that look. Remembers from the few times that they'd gone out and someone had come on too strong. He makes his way to where they are talking, catches the tension of Kris' shoulders and then Kris' face closes off when Blake holds on to his wrist.

Adam growls, low and dangerous

They both turn to look at him.

“Take your hand off. Now.” The words aren't as clear as he would want them to be but he thinks it's not bad for being so completely trashed.

Blake's eyes widen slightly, dark pupils rounder than usual and he takes a step back, drops the hand he'd wrapped around Kris' wrist. “Whoa.”

“He doesn't want you to talk to him.” He can sense that from Kris and is stupidly grateful that he's not blocking him out anymore.

“Adam, man, I was just looking for a good time.”

He's in Blake's space in a blink, pushing him back against the nearest wall and it takes him a moment to realize that Blake's fangs are out, his eyes shimmering. Adam's hand is gripping at Blake's neck. “He's not yours to have a good time with, understand?”

Kris is around the bar in a flash, his hand on Adam's chest, shoving to get his attention.

“It's okay. Adam. Adam, listen to me.”

He moves his gaze to Kris and loosens his hold.

“Let him go. I'm fine.”

Kris' eyes stay on Adam's until he's backed off Blake and then Kris stands between them, talking to Blake over his shoulder. “You need to get out.”

Blake looks like he wants to argue but Darren is at his side, pulling him away with a scowl and Adam can hear them arguing on the way out but he can't focus. Kris is too close, grasping his arm like he thinks Adam might go after them. Which he might so that's probably a good idea, but it aches where Kris touches him so he pulls his arm away roughly.

“This is all your fault.”

The words ring in the silence that Adam hadn't realized surrounded them and he sees Kris step back, bend a little at the waist like Adam had punched him.

He wishes he could take the words back, but Kris moves past him and disappears around the back door.

Alisan is glaring at him and Tommy looks at him like he's a moron.

 

 

Adam wakes up with the worst hangover of his life. He wants to lie on the couch and never move again, but he knows he needs to go apologize to Kris. His behavior had been –

“Fucked up. Yeah,” is all Tommy says when Adam tells him where he's going and why. He doesn't look at Adam and he's pretty sure Tommy won't until Adam makes it up to Kris.

Alisan's apartment is only a couple blocks away so Adam takes the time to figure out exactly what he needs to say. He hates feeling this way. Hates the look on Kris' face. Has been avoiding that for five years. It breaks him a little to see everything Kris wants and Adam can't give him reflected in Kris' face.

He can think clearly in the harsh, ugly light of the morning and even through his throbbing head, he recalls what he said. He could kick himself for it. Outside Ali's door, he contemplates knocking but he's never had to before, so he uses his key, stepping through the entrance. He closes the door quietly. There's noises coming from the kitchen which he knows aren't from Alisan. Taking a deep breath, he walks into the tiny room, leans against the wall to watch Kris pour some coffee, adding his ridiculous amount of cream and sugar.

“You still have coffee with your sweetener I see.”

Kris' shoulders tense for a fraction of a second before he throws a quick smile at Adam over his shoulder. “Some of us don't have cast iron lining our stomachs.” Adam knows it's fake: the smile, the friendly tone, and it makes him want to shake Kris. He used to fight Adam every step of the way when he was being a jerk. He never let him get away with anything.

“We need to talk.”

Kris nods, pointing to the living room and Adam waits until he brushes past him before following. He sees the packed suitcase in the corner and stops, his gaze falling to Kris. “You leaving?”

“That's what you want, right?”

Adam doesn't stop the word from leaving his mouth. “No.”

Kris stops drinking his coffee and glances over at Adam like he grew a second tail or something. “What?”

He missed Kris.

“I – I wasn't expecting you and it brought back everything.” Adam sits on the opposite end of the couch. He keeps his attention on everything but Kris. “After I left – you promised and I just – ” He takes a deep breath and finds the courage to look at Kris directly. “I think I'm ready to listen.”

 

 

Kris doesn't look at him as he tells Adam about the years since he's left. That they can't count on the council for help anymore. The clan members have closed ranks and done everything to keep them together. He talks about his father being sick. Adam feels sick when Kris chokes on those words, reaches a hand out to cover his but pulls it back the moment they touch.

It's when Kris explains Cowell's increase in power and how he's systematically bringing down the Royals that Adam understands just how bad it's gotten.

“Once he has power in a state, he doesn't hold back. Weres are mostly safe, even if they have to swear fidelity to his house. Anybody else is up for grabs, but most won't deal with him as long as he isn't attacking them.”

“Is he still campaigning against the humans?” Adam asks, gaze falling on the picture of Alisan and Tommy that sits on the coffee table.

“Not as vocally. As much power as he has, the council still controls the majority of the states and there are still treaties in place, old alliances that hold up from centuries ago. He can't mess with them directly. But he's careful, you know that. He never attacks first and when he does engage in battle, he wins.”

Adam stands, pacing across the room, one hand running through his hair, and he swallows. He knew that this was bad. There was no way he couldn't have heard that Cowell was causing problems but he'd ignored it. It had a quiet buzz at the back of his head but now –

“So he's gaining power by...?”

Kris shrugs, locks eyes with Adam and smirks, a little ugly. “Coercion, mostly. Some bribes, threats and sometimes he can manage a kidnapping,. They can never be traced back to him, but we know it's him.” Kris' voice tightens and Adam watches his hands clench and then unclench like what he's thinking about is personal.

There's panic rising in his chest and Adam glances away, clears his throat. “Is there – did something happen?”

Kris meets his gaze and shakes his head. “No.”

It's a lie. Adam knows it is. He can read Kris so well that it still scares him. He won't push for information now. Sighing, he sits next to Kris once more and turns his head, taking in the changes in his profile. He lifts his hand, traces a finger down a faded scar on Kris’ jaw. That hadn't been there the last time he'd seen Kris. He wonders what had happened.

Kris shivers, closing his eyes before leaning away, standing to loom over Adam. “He's got a good hold of California but we've been talking to some of the families in Central and Northern California that are willing to take a stand.”

Adam pushes away the disappointment from Kris' reaction, decides to study it more closely when he has a chance. “Okay. That's good.” It seems like Kris has it under control.

The shake of Kris' head tells Adam that maybe his ability to read Kris isn't just one-sided. Before he can ask Kris to elaborate the cell phone on the table buzzes. Kris tenses, grabbing the phone and whatever he sees on the screen makes him immediately go pale. He doesn't say anything to Adam as he presses a button, walking out of the room with the phone to his ear. The front door opens when he walks past it and Adam meets Alisan's confused stare. It turns hopeful when she sees that they were talking. Tommy enters behind her and gives Adam a tentative thumbs up.

He doesn't know what to tell them. It's not like any of this can be solved by talking with Kris. He still can't become what they need him to be. The truth of that is evident.

“What's going on?” Tommy frowns, throwing a look at the closed bedroom door where Kris had disappeared.

Adam stands up, brushing past them to the door, not sure what he's supposed to do.

“Adam, is everything okay?”

Nothing was okay. That much Adam knew for a fact. He glances over at Alisan, shrugs when she gives him that look he can't ever lie to. “I don't know. We were talking – he was telling me what I'd missed by running like a fucking coward,” he notices the way Tommy's eyebrows furrow and Alisan's lips tighten, “but then he got a call so... ”

“Did he call you that?” Tommy sounds disbelieving and Adam looks over at him, confused by the question until he runs back what he said. He shakes his head. “Of course he didn't. He would never call me that.”

Adam steps back when the door opens and Kris is holding his bag in one hand. He looks paler than when he'd gotten the call and he bites at his bottom lip when he meets Adam's eyes. “I have to go home. My dad isn't--” He's trembling, Adam can feel it from where he's standing and forgetting anything else, he moves closer, pulls Kris into a hug.

He tightens his hold when Kris shudders. It feels so fucking good to touch him. Adam blinks the moisture out of his eyes, takes in a quivering, watery breath before pulling back. His chest feels hollowed out and he can't bear the thought that he's going to lose Neil. That any of them will. “Kris. I'm sorry. If I could do anything –”

Kris pushes at Adam's chest and leans back enough that he can look at him directly.

“You can. Come with me.”

Adam hesitates, the normal answer not quite so easy this time and Kris takes that moment to shock him even more than he's managed to since he showed up in Sasha's club so many weeks ago.

“It's not forever.” At the surprise that must show on his face, Kris almost smiles. “I have a proposition for you.”

 

 

“You want to pretend that you and Adam – bonded, is that the right word here?”

Tommy isn't the only one who needs to have this explained again. “Kris – I don't even know what to say.”

One of Kris' knee is twitching, a clear sign that he's nervous but his face is completely blank. Adam doesn't want to know when Kris had managed to learn how to do that and what caused it to be a necessary skill.

He hates it.

“No. We just need to pretend that we will.”

“Oh, well, then. That's much better.” The sarcasm drips from the words and Kris narrows his eyes, sending him a glare Adam thinks Brad would be proud of.

“What does it matter?”

“Because I don't want to live a lie.” _I don't want to pretend to love you because I'm kinda of dying a little from how much I already do_ is what he meant to say but Adam knows better than to let that bit of truth out of the bag. “I don't even understand how we would 'pretend' that.”

Kris leans forward, hands clasping in front of him. “This is simple, Adam. None of the families here or in New York have the confidence that we can fight Cowell without you. They need to see a leader that they have confidence in. I'm not that guy. You've met Daniel. It's your place. If we can get the treaties signed and show that we have the forces to stand up to that son of a bitch than we might have a chance to win this.”

Adam shakes his head. “I still don't see –”

“Basically this would be an engagement in name only?” Alisan blurts out and Adam's eyes widen when Kris nods slowly.

“Wait. Engagement?”

“They have to believe that you're coming back. So, we tell them I ran into you out here, we talked and you decided that you were ready to come home. We'll get the treaties and alliances we need. You can catch up with the family.” He's leaving something out but before Adam can ask, Kris continues. “And in the end, you get what you've wanted: your freedom.”

“I have my freedom.”

Kris smiles, sad and resigned when he says quietly. “Dad will make it official. We won't bother you again, Adam. Complete and total absence of responsibility.” Kris glances down at his watch and stands up. “I have to go.” He's in front of Adam, pulling him into a hug before Adam can blink.

“Please think about it, okay? And if you decide not to – I'll understand.” He whispers in Adam's ear and then he's out of the door and gone.

Adam breathes out; bending at the waist to keep his balance and when he glances up Tommy is staring at him.

“You're so fucked, baby boy.”

 

What Adam likes the best about his friends is that they never know when to leave things alone. Sometimes it drives him crazy how they push until figure out the problem because usually whatever they come up with helps.

“You don't want him to let you go.”

Adam doesn't turn around, keeping his face toward the window, watching the lights of rushing traffic and wondering when he became so transparent. He knows he is because that hadn't been a question from Alisan.

“Adam?”

He takes a deep breath, buries his face in his hands briefly, rubbing his move. His thoughts are fast, scattered and he closes his eyes, tries to organize them enough to be able to speak. He faces his friends – his two best friends – and the words fall out in a heap.

“It wasn't Drake that made me run.”

Tommy seems more surprised than Alisan but not by much. They exchange a glance and then Tommy nods. “Yeah, I kinda got the impression this whole thing is all about Kris. I just didn't think you'd ever actually admit it.”

Adam grimaces. “Am I seriously that easy to read?”

Alisan shakes her head. “Not really, baby. We just know you pretty well.”

“And you have this habit of talking _a lot_ when you drink. _A lot_.” He gives Adam a tentative smile and that loosen the tightness that's been gripping his chest since Kris walked out. “Talk to us, man.”

He sits on the soft chair that's always been his favorite and tells them about Drake. That Adam had needed someone to help him get past Brad.

“Brad knew that we weren't supposed to be together forever. He told me that. Many times.” Adam remembers fighting Brad every step of the way. Reassuring him that he would never love anyone else, never as much, not like he felt for Brad. All he'd ever get was the sad quirk of lips, kisses on his mouth and Brad's sincere _“You already do, baby. You just don't know it.”_

It used to drive Adam crazy and when Brad broke it off he'd been so angry. He couldn't see past what was in front of him.

“Getting over Brad – that was hard.” Adam swallow, feels that pinch in his heart at the memory of those weeks after. He could barely get out of bed. If it hadn't been for Kris pushing him, comforting him, Adam's not sure he would have made it out of that self imposed hell.

“Thing is – it wasn't – he was right.”

“You were in love with Kris.”

Adam hesitates before nodding fervently. “Stupidly. I just didn't know what it was because it was always there. And I'd known Kris since we were kids. I'd trained myself _not_ to see him that way, you know?”

“What changed?”

“Kris went on a mission to Haiti for a year. We had some clans hit hard there and he organized the trip. He didn't leave until I was out of bed and taking care of myself first, though, because it's Kris.” He sees Alisan smile sweetly, nodding slowly and Adam knows she gets it. Living with Kris, she's seen all the little things that make him wonderful. “None of us wanted him to go. We didn't think it was a good idea but he's a stubborn prick when he wants something.” Another nod from Alisan and that makes him smile a little.

“So what happened when he came back?”

Adam shrugs. “I'd been getting ready to take more of the command of the clan. I mean, Neil was staying on as the head of the family – the king – until I was settled into the role but I was making a lot of the decisions, taking on the meetings, traveling to meets other royals, settling into it.”

“You liked it.”

He nods. “Yes, I did. It was my destiny according to everyone and I hate that it still feels like it's true. Anyway, I met Drake and we hit it off. We dated casually. He was more my friend than anything, you know? And then Brad reappeared back in my life at that point. Our friendship was tentative, I guess is the word, but we were trying.” He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes when the flash comes to him. He'd been getting ready for a council meeting, dressed in his suit, and he hadn't really been expecting the door to open as he walked down.

One second it was closed and the next Kris was standing in the doorway, rumpled and tired from days of travel but his eyes had found Adam. He'd broken into biggest grin Adam had ever seen and the room titled, got brighter. His heart started beating madly, his stomach twisted with want and need so sharp that Adam couldn't breathe and then Kris was in his arms, kissing his face, laughing in his ear. All he could do was hold on, press closer and it took every ounce of will power for Adam to let him.

“Then Kris came back and...that was it. I knew Brad had been right because when I saw him – I just understood what it meant.”

Alisan gives him a hard look. “Wait, so, you were in love with Kris. I'm damn sure Kris was in love with you.” Adam hates that past tense so very much. “Brad had told you that he was your meant-to-be-forever person but you didn't do anything?”

Adam throws his hands up in the air. “Ali, I didn't know what the fuck to do. This was Kris. _Kris_ , okay? And I'd apparently loved him for so long that when I let myself think about it I didn't remember a time I didn't love him, okay? I freaked out. And I was – jealous.”

“Jealous?” Tommy eyebrows raised and he waved his hand for Adam to elaborate.

“He didn't come back alone.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. His name is Andrew. Kris met him on the mission and they'd become great friends. Even started writing music together. I hated him on sight.”

“Well, yeah, that makes sense.”

Adam shakes his head. “Andrew wanted Kris.” He raises one hand when Tommy starts to question that. “Believe me, he did. Everyone saw it except Kris. Or maybe he just ignored it and hoped it go away. Kinda like I did.”

Alisan snorts and he agrees with that. It was a stupid plan.

“I kept on seeing Drake and asked him to – be exclusive. I wasn't actually seeing anyone else but we made it more official.” His voice breaks and he blinks away the pinprick of tears that gather in his eyes. “And then we got attacked on one of my trips. They left us both for dead. I managed to survive but Drake --”

“And you blame yourself because...”

“If he hadn't been there --”

“Adam, you don't know that. Things are almost always out of our control.”

He looks up at Tommy and smile trembling, says, “That's what Kris kept saying.”

“Of course he did. The dude is pretty fucking smart.”

Drake's death nearly broke Adam and his struggle with that guilt has never gone away. But there was Kris, taking on some of the weight, holding him when he trembled with his grief, his anger, his fear. He'd healed, gotten through the darkness with Kris as his guide and when he'd reached the other side, he couldn't lie to himself anymore.

He was in love with Kris.

Everything that had been told to them was true.

Adam had even gotten the courage up to speak with Neil about it. He knew the king, the whole family was behind them, wanted their happiness and their marriage, thought not expected, was definitely wanted.

And then Lil had her vision, ran crying to Adam and shared it with him.

Kris, lying broken and bleeding at Adam's feet, an altar behind them, everything on fire.

Adam had thrown up.

It was like Drake all over again but this – this would kill him – it would destroy the family and Adam knew that he wouldn't want to live without Kris.

He tells this to Alisan and Tommy, their faces pale and he sees Tommy's hands shaking when takes a drink of water. Alisan looks a little bit confused, her mouth opening to say something but then she closes it.

“That's why you left?” Tommy asks.

Adam glances at them and has to look away at the pity he reads on their faces. “If I didn't marry him...”

“He wouldn't die.”

It was that simple.

“Did you ever think that maybe it wasn't what you thought?”

Adam had wished that. He'd spent years telling himself that he'd done the right thing.

But had he?

He knows couldn't have been the right decision. Probably has known it for a long time. The constant nightmares that plague him tell him that. He'd stuck to it because Kris had to live. That was the most important part.

But his people were dying without him. That was what Kris told him. Cowell riding high on his power, ruling with fear and Adam had walked away. His reasons were good. That hadn't changed.

“I don't know.”

Alisan steps forward, wraps her arms around his shoulders and hugs him tight. “Yes, you do. You love him. You love all of them.” She lays a hand on his head, closes her eyes and that frown appears again. “Adam, I had a vision when I saw Kris for the first time.” When Adam tries to jerk away, she holds him, shakes her head. “It was nothing like what you described. Are you sure about it?”

Adam swallows. “I believe the source.”

She nods. “Well, I think that maybe you did change it but if that's true then you need to push past this fear. You are his salvation.”

He wants to believe her and when he looks over at Tommy, his friends nods. “I don't have visions and I can see that.” He leans forward, hands clasped, resting on his knees. “You've never been happy here. This was a pit stop. I think you've known for a long time where you need to be to be truly happy.”

He doesn't know what to do now. Where to go from here. But he's pretty sure he can't figure it out sitting in his apartment. He once was brave enough to follow his instincts, even if he ignored his heart.

He turns to his friends.

“What if I can't do this?”

“You'd be stupid if you weren't scared. It's a kingdom in your hands.”

Adam closes his eyes. “Kris isn't going to understand. I've said no for so long. I don't even know -” He can see Kris in his mind's eye and it doesn't matter anymore that he wants to hide. He'll learn to get past that. He has to, because being afraid is no longer an option he has. Opening his eyes, he meets Alisan's and she smiles, nods in that way that tells him she's already ahead of him. “I'm going to need your help.”

He's going to have a hell of a time convincing Kris about what he wants.

Tommy stands up. “We're there, man.”

Adam's smile is nervous.

“You guys up for a road trip?”

 

 

Kris presses fingers gently against the side of his nose, wishes the throbbing headache away as hard as he can. It had taken longer than he wanted to get back home. Anoop had insisted on a detour when they'd gotten wind of Cowell in the vicinity of San Francisco. By the time he'd arrived at the house, his father had woken up and insisted he didn't need to be sent to the hospital. Despite protests from Kris and Kim, Neil couldn't be convinced. Cale tells Kris that as long as they keep it stress-free for him everything should be fine.

It takes him two days to catch up on what's happening with Cowell, the town and his family in general. He's not entirely surprised that Katy and Neil aren't speaking. They've been at each other throats for some time now. Kris hopes one of them breaks down soon and admits why. Otherwise, there's going to be bloodshed and he's really not in the mood to deal with that.

Brad is quiet, a little mad that Adam hadn't come back and Cass is upset he still cares so much. That doesn't seem to be going well.

Cowell is making a lot of noise in California.

Kris hasn't slept since he got back.

He opens his eyes, glancing over at his father's prone figure on the bed, breathing even and deep. Somehow he'd convinced his mom to let Allison fix her some dinner and they're off in the kitchens eating away. He knows it'll be his turn next because Allison doesn't miss anything. The problem is that he isn't hungry. Worry and exhaustion are warring for all his attention.

Adam had said no. Again. Kris knows that he can go back and wear him down. He'd be willing to do that but it's not as if he has the luxury of time on his hands. Cowell is making moves on their territories, their allies and aligning with their enemies. He needs to protect his people and the extending kingdom his family has fought for.

He can't waste his time going after something that he won't be able to ever have.

The problem with that is that he never made a contingency plan. He believed he could make Adam understand. That the deal he was willing to make would have sealed it.

Now he has to start over with no clue where to start.

There's a knock but before he can even say anything the door opens and Katy is there, eyes wide, shocked.

Kris stands quickly, heart beating too fast. “What's wrong?”

Katy shakes her head, beckons with one hand, voice choked when she says, “I think you need to go downstairs. Now.” He hesitates but she makes an impatient gesture at him. “I'll stay with your dad. Go.”

He wants to ask her what the hell happened to make her that way but if it's that important he can't waste time asking questions. Kris half-runs down the hall to the stairs and stops at the top when he sees the small crowd gathered around the entrance.

It takes him a moment but when he finally focuses on what everyone is staring at his throat closes up, heart dropping to his feet.

Adam looks up and Kris really hopes this isn't a dream because he might cry otherwise. Then Adam smiles at him, wide and relieved, and Kris knows this is real. He notices that Alisan and Tommy are standing behind Adam, tense and unhappy. Kris frowns until he realizes that Neil is blocking their path from the door into the house.

He takes the steps down slowly, calling out so that the rest of the room can hear him. “Your Highness.”

Neil turns to glare at Kris, mouth opening in shock and Kris shakes his head slightly. He understands what Neil feels. They talked about it back when Neil hadn't been so filled with anger and disappointment that he'd shut them all out. Adam's arrival isn’t a joy for his brother. But they never shared this outside of their inner circle and Neil knows better than to make a public display of his disapproval.

Kris manages to send all that to Neil, finding him surprisingly open and he watches as the tension leaves his shoulders. He doesn't seem to want to budge but when Kris nods he sighs loudly and stomps out of the room. There's the sound of a door slamming a few minutes later.

“That wasn't the homecoming I expected.” Adam says lightly and the crowd skitters with quiet laughter. The atmosphere in the foyer is friendly and Adam shakes hands with people as they come up to greet him. The servants that remember him offer quick hugs and Adam is kind to them all. It's like he'd never really left. Kris waits until everyone has cleared out before taking that final step down, standing in front of Adam as he does.

He sees warmth in Adam' s blue gaze and shivers, the sensation running down his spine. He smiles in return, watches Adam's pupils dilate when he does and wonders how Adam had ever missed what it meant. He knows it's a bad idea but it's a constant ache inside being far from Adam. He pushes into Adam's space, sliding arms around his shoulders and neck, tightening slightly. Adam's breath wafts over his skin and he hears the low moan that rumbles in Adam's chest. He rests his lips on Adam's ear, whispers a soft, “Thank you,” and feels Adam shudder in response.

Pulling away takes effort and when he does Adam stops him, leans his forehead against Kris', breathing in deep. There's a flare of want that turns into a flame when they're this close, and Kris has to close his eyes to keep from tasting Adam everywhere. He gets Adam to let go, stepping away and looking over at their audience. Tommy grins, wiggling his eyebrows and Alisan's face is dreamy as she sighs at them. He refrains from rolling his eyes at them, motions for them to come closer, hugging them in turn.

He can feel Adam watching him and glances over, sending a reassuring smile when he sees the uncertain look on his face. “I'm really glad you came.” He motions to the stairs as he looks back to his friends. “I'll take you guys to your rooms then we can make sure you get some dinner.” He meets Adam's eyes and half-smiles. “After that you can tell me what the hell took you so long.”

Adam laughs, shaking his head and reaches for Kris' hand, twines their fingers. “You are a bossy one, Kris Allen. Alright, but I think maybe I should find my parents, try to talk to my brother.”

Kris grimaces.

Neither of those are going to particularly fun conversations. He nods in agreement, pulls his hand away and misses the heat of Adam's almost immediately. “Okay. You remember where your room is, I assume. Make sure you eat something.” Adam nods and then heads off in the direction Neil had disappeared to.

Kris watches him until his out of the corner of his eye line then turns back to show his guests where to go.

 

 

Adam stutters in a breath as he closes the door to the study, leans his head against it to center his mind like Cam had taught him whenever he'd woken up with nightmares. He kept his face hidden until he was sure that his emotions weren't written across it. It was something he found difficult in this house, because there was constant activity. One of the staff always walking by or security detail doing their job never gives room for much privacy in the halls.

Once he doesn't feel like crying anymore, Adam walks in the direction he remembers the kitchen being. His stomach aches, hunger completely gone now but he'd told Kris he'd eat.

He doesn't want to break any more promises to anyone.

The progress to the kitchens is slowed down by Adam being greeted every few steps. Some people he remembers, others introduce themselves. There are a lot more security and staff then he remembers, but then again things aren't exactly the way they used to be.

“You broke our hearts, Adam.”

He shakes his head to quiet his mind.

The house changed in his absence. He's surprised by the high-tech additions he sees as he walks by. Papa Allen had always been an old-fashioned type of leader. He never believed in technology being the answer to anything. Adam's plans had included an upgrade to their property. He sees the blinking light of a security system panel as he turns down the hall and smiles.

He can guess whose idea it had been to make those changes.

Pushing against the swinging kitchen doors, Adam freezes in the entrance and the calm he'd managed to acquire after his talk with his parents and the non-talk with his brother flies right out the window.

Andrew is touching Kris.

Kris's face is a mixture of annoyance as he pulls his arms out of Andrew's grip. He takes a deep breath, says calmly. “How many times are we going to have this conversation? I said no. That's it.”

“It's because he's back.” Andrew steps closer to Kris, reaches for his face and it's like tunnel vision for Adam. All he can see is that someone is touching Kris. That's unacceptable. Especially if Kris doesn't want to be touched.

“That doesn't seem to be the case.” Adam gives Kris a smile, walking gracefully into the room, stopping only a few steps away from Kris. He glares at Andrew and his smile turns into a sneer. “He seemed to make it clear just now that his already answered whatever question you asked him. The answer was no. Maybe you should take the hint.”

Andrew's eyes flash with rage and Adam wants him to attack so he can have the satisfaction of pummeling him to the ground.

“You have no right to claim a damn thing after what you did.”

“Andrew, that's enough.” Kris' voice is dangerously low. Adam recognizes it as his 'don't push me or I'll kick your ass' voice. It makes every part of Adam pay attention. Kris' face is hard, angry in a way he doesn't recall ever seeing.

He wants to make it go away – misses immediately the easy smile and love that shined from Kris.

“It's fine, Kris.” Adam says, teeth clenched in anger and he stares Andrew down.

Kris shakes his head. “No, it's not.” His eyes stay on Andrew and he waits for the other man to look back at him before continuing. “Your loyalty is to this clan. That includes Adam. He is going to be your king. If this is a problem, Andrew, then you need to let me know and I'll make arrangements for you.”

Adam keeps his gaze on Andrew's back as he stomps out of the room and when he's sure they're alone, he faces Kris. “You didn't have to do that. I know he's your friend.”

Kris sighs. “He is. A good one at that. So, he should know that I value your friendship as much as I value his.”

After what he's just been through, hearing Kris say that makes Adam feel the rejection of his brother, the guilt from his parents even more. “You don't need to be nice about this, Kris. Why aren't you angry?”

He gets a glare in return. “Who says I'm not? But what I may or may not feel about you leaving isn't what's important now.” Kris stands closer to Adam, reaches one arm to hold on to his shoulder. “You came back. I assume that means that the deal I made is something you can do.” He squeezes quickly before letting go of Adam completely. Adam tries not to let out a groan of disappointment, the point of contact throbbing with warmth. “But to them you're back to claim your place. They need to rally around you. I'm not going to condone anyone disrespecting you.”

Adam tries to smile, but the tears he'd managed to avoid earlier gather in his eyes and he has to look away, turning from Kris so he doesn't see them.

Which is stupid because Kris still seems to know him better than most anyone.

“What happened?” Kris' hand wraps around Adam's neck, rubbing small circles into the skin. There's a wave of peace that flows through him and he reaches back, holds on to both the feeling and Kris’s hand. Kris's forehead touches the back of Adam's head as they breath together. “Tell me.”

“I knew it was going to be difficult, you know? Seeing them again, coming back after running for so long but – they look so weary, Kris. Almost broken and – I – I did that.” The hot backwash of tears fall on his cheeks, making him bite down on his lips to keep in the sob that threatens to come loose from his throat. “I can't ever make up for that. For the days and nights they've worried about me. The pain I caused by leaving them behind. Leaving everyone that needed me.”

Kris shakes his head, Adam can feel it and his breath ghosts across Adam's hair. “You're not the sole reason for their hard times, Adam. It's been tough.”

“Because I wasn't here. Don't try to excuse it, Kris.”

They don't speak again while Adam tires to regain his composure. Kris continues his quiet comfort, hand warm over Adam's shirt. When he thinks he can speak without it breaking him, Adam cants his head enough to meet Kris' eyes over his shoulder. “Neil hates me.”

“He doesn't hate you.”

Adam makes a derisive sort of sound, nodding his head. “He does. Made it pretty clear when I went to talk to him. He said I needed to go back to where I'd been hiding and forget that any of you existed.”

Kris makes a frustrated noise, running one hand over the back of Adam's head. “I'll talk to him.”

“No, please. Don't. I don't think it'll help.”

He senses Kris' hesitation but then he agrees with a quick nod. “Okay. But you need to make him listen, Adam. Neil took it hard after Drake died and you needed to leave.” Kris lets go of Adam, putting a bit of distance between them now that the immediate need for comfort has passed.

He locks his gaze with Kris and asks in disbelief. “Why don't you hate me?” He's wondered that for the last couple of months as Kris stepped back into his life. “Didn't you care that I left?”

Something dark flashes across Kris' face and he steps in, hands clenched into fists and Adam prepares for the hit before he even realizes it's coming. The contact of Kris' fist to his face isn't hard but it makes a clear point. His jaw throbs and there'll be an ugly bruise in the morning. He looks over at Kris shaking his hand out and realizes it might have hurt him more than it did Adam.

He moves to get closer but Kris holds his hand out. “Don't. Just.” He closes his eyes, breathing in and out, shallow, and when he opens them again, there's the anger that Adam had wanted to see.

“You're a fucking moron.”

Kris cursing is more shocking than the punch had been.

He's trembling, face twisted into so many warring emotions that Adam can't begin to try to read them all.

“You left me. I loved you and you left. As hard as I tried to understand the reasons, it cut me so deep that I don't think – I still haven't recovered. So don't be stupid and act wounded because I'm not going to use it to make you feel bad. If you didn't already feel that way, my pain isn't going to get that to happen. Why would I bother?”

Adam tries to speak but Kris waves it off. “I don’t matter anymore. We have bigger problems. You're back now. That's all that I care about.”

Adam lets him walk away, knowing that it's easier to do that than fight with him right now. Before Kris reaches the door, he stops, talking without looking back at him. “None of us hate you, Adam. Don't ever think that.” He disappears through the door and Adam can't help the relief that blooms in his chest.

Kris doesn't hate him.

He can work with that.

 

 

Adam isn't surprised to find that, aside from a few staff changes, nothing seems all that different from when he left. There's a comfort in that. He needs it to be the same. That way he can pick up where he left off.

Alisan snorts, legs crossed as she reclines across his bed. “Oh, sweetie. That's not going to happen, you know that, right?”

He does but that doesn't help him.

“Humor me, Alisan.”

His room is the same, the closet full of all his clothes. He'd forgotten how much he'd owned. It depresses him to know that most of them have to go. Half don't fit him anymore or aren't his style. The rest are a jumble of royal outfits, training clothes and casuals that he can still use.

Adam glances up when the door opens, heart jumping in his throat and then immediately falling when Tommy walks in, eyes wide.

“This place is unreal, dude. You have servants!”

He rolls his eyes. “I told you that I was --”

Tommy waves at him. “Yeah, you said king to be, I know. It's still, like, whoa.” His eyes light up at the array of cosmetics strewn across Adam's dresser. “Seriously. This is unbelievable.” He reaches for a compact, pulling the lid open.

Adam trades an amused smirk with Alisan.

“Oh, I wouldn't try any of those, Tommy. They're pretty ancient.”

He turns his head to find Kris in the doorway, hand gripping the door handle tightly, smiling over at Tommy. When he shifts his gaze to Adam and smiles wider, he feels this warmth in his chest, something he remembers from before. “Hey.”

“Good morning. Did you sleep well?” It's said with some real concern. He'd been having nightmares at the time of his departure and of course Kris would wonder about that.

“I did.”

He knows they're staring at one another like idiots but it pains him to look away from Kris right at the moment. He knows that it was happening before. That it was getting harder to be away from him before Adam cut all ties.

Kris nods, satisfied with that apparently, and turns his attention to Alisan, giving her a warm smile. “I thought that made you and my – our – other Alli might want to meet. She can give you both a tour if you want.” He brings his focus to Adam, face serious suddenly and he takes a deep breath as he motions back out the door. “I don't want to pressure you, Adam, but Dad and Randy are waiting to speak with you in the parlor. There's breakfast there, too.” He throws that in like Adam was going to need to be bribed.

“Yeah, I'll be down in a minute.”

Kris' smile is relieved. He motions for Alisan and Tommy to go ahead of him and as he turns to head out of the room there's a tug at Adam. He needs Kris with him. “Are you going to be there?” He wants to know if he'll get to spend time with him or need to find excuses to make sure they do.

Kris stops, glances over his shoulder to meet Adam's eyes. “If you want me to I will.”

Adam nods. “I want you to.”

There's a long pause and then Kris half smiles. “Okay. I'll meet you there in ten minutes.”

Adam stares at the door for a long time after it's closed.

 

 

He isn’t sure what he should be expecting when he gets down to the meeting. Adam takes a moment to steel himself outside the door before he enters. His gaze lands on Kris, back to Adam, the line of his shoulders tense. It's when he hears his brother's voice that he understands why.

“If you want to trust him that's on you. Don't expect me to follow at your heels, Kristopher.”

“That's enough.” King Neil's command is firm, the tremble of his voice letting on his irritation. “We all agree that we need Adam. He's family. We don't judge family.”

His brother snorts. “This is all about Kris' feelings--”

“Let it go.” Kris sounds angry and Adam watches his posture go even more rigid as he rounds on his brother. “You don't know what I feel, Neil. But that's not even the point. Until Adam is caught up and decides he's ready to be in charge, I have the power. Whether you like it or not, that's how it goes. You had your chance to air your side when we came to decision of getting Adam back. I took your doubts into consideration. But since this isn't about you – or me for that matter – this whole argument is moot.”

Adam clears his throat, the room falling silent, all eyes on him. He keeps his gaze on Kris who gives him a reassuring smile, motions for him to come in. He enters the room, meets his brother's glare with one of his own, sees the surprise pass over Neil's face before he shakes his head and leaves, slamming the door after him. Adam sighs, looking back at the rest of the room. “Well, that went better than I expected after last night. At least he didn't, like, punch me.”

There's a familiar chuckle and he brings his gaze up to his king. He looks weary, older and fragile, something Adam had never attributed to Neil Allen. He moves hesitantly toward him. He's missed him more than he can say. Without thinking about it too hard, he reaches out and pulls him into a hug. “You still look good, Papa Allen.” He wants to cry when he feels the weakness in the grip that his mentor returns it with.

“It's been a long time since anyone's called me that.”

Kris is smiling softly, his arms crossed as he watches them hug and Adam meets his eyes, returns the smile with one of his own. It does the opposite of what he'd hoped, makes Kris look down and away. He brings his attention back to his king, pulling away to look at him. “You look good, old man.” It's a lie and they both know it. He can see that in the raised eyebrow and half smirk that Neil gives him.

“I can't believe you’re back.” He turns his loving gaze onto Kris, smile widening. “You did good, son.”

Adam bites his lips to keep from smiling at the slight pinking in Kris’ cheeks as he waves away his father's words.

“Adam's the one who came back. That's the important part.”

He wants to protest like he used to whenever Kris downplayed his role in anything. It used to drive Adam crazy when they were kids and he finds that it still does.

“Kris can be persuasive when he wants.”

That gets a grin from King Neil but before he can say anything, Randy steps forward and Adam panics for one second. He needs to face his fears and he may have been many things but he never backed down from a challenge. This is the biggest one he's had to face in years.

“Randy.”

The nod he gets is curt but there's warmth in the other man's eyes that Adam remembers, a look Randy would get whenever Adam did anything right. The fact that it's still there tells Adam that Kris was right all along. His place in the clan – it's where he's supposed to be. He shakes hands with Randy.

“We have a lot of catching up to do, Adam.”

 

 

He searches for Lil the first chance he gets.

 _“Don't attack her, Adam. Just talk. She must have had a good reason for what she did.”_

Adam knows Alisan wants to be with him when he confronts Lil about her vision but he has to do this alone. That one moment with Lil in the gardens had changed his life forever and he finds doesn't find it surprising that when he finally finds her it's in the same spot.

She stands a few yards from where some kids are playing. Adam stops behind her, several feet away and watches them run around. It brings back memories of his own childhood. Kris and Katy exploring while his brother Neil and Daniel stalked them and Adam played mediator. Lil had been his friend. Keeping each other company while they watched their younger siblings and friends. He smiles despite the turmoil churning in his stomach.

“I heard you were back. Wondered how long it would take you to come for me.”

He jumps at the unexpected sound of Lil's voice but regains his composure quickly.

“You lied to me.”

There's no sense beating around the bush.

Lil's shoulders square before she glances back at him. The tears gathered in her eyes make him want to yield, but the years he's lost, the moments with Kris that he can't have back, those thoughts harden him against her pain.

“I'm sorry.”

That's not enough.

“I want to know why.”

She turns back to wave at a girl he doesn't recognize. “Mia, can you please ask Carrie to come watch you play in the garden while I speak to Mr. Lambert?”

The young girl eyes him cautiously before nodding. “Yes, Mama.”

“She grew up.”

Lil sniffs, sighing as she watches her daughter running to the house. “Time doesn't stop. No matter how much we wish it would.”

Adam clenches his fists at his side. They don't speak for the long minutes it takes Mia to return, a beautiful blonde in her wake. Her eyes flit to Adam, light up for a moment and then fall on Lil.

“Let's go inside.”

His first instinct is to demand that she tell him now. Scene or no scene, he's lost enough time on her word. But that won't get him anywhere. So her follows her. Because he needs answers. Because she knows the truths he doesn't. Because she was once his friend.

 

 

“I don't expect you to forgive me.”

Adam leans back against the dark oak desk, fingers clamped around the edge, white knuckled with anger. “Good to know.”

Lil takes a seat across from him, crosses her legs at the ankle, an old habit she'd had from way back when. It's a tell. He knows she's nervous. Something she only does when she doesn't want anyone to see it. Her hands fold on her lap and looks up, meets his eyes.

“This isn't an excuse that I'm going to give you. It's the reason and it wasn't right. It might not justify it but it's why I did it.”

Adam waits, crossing his arms to glare down at her.

“The vision – I did see Kris hurt, Adam. In pain and afraid. Alone and nearly dead. That was all true.”

That wasn't what Alisan had said.

“But you weren't there. That was the lie. You weren't finding his broken body.”

Adam closes his eyes, pushing away the images that had plagued him for years. “Why? Why did you do that to us?”

“He had my husband, Adam. Cowell had Teddy locked up. I couldn't – I had to do whatever I could to save him.”

“You could have told me the truth.” Adam grits his teeth, the words more a hiss than anything else.

Lil nods. “I know that. I'm sorry, Adam.” She swallows down tears and he wavers slightly, his anger fading as disappointment takes its place. “If I could change it, I would.”

Adam shakes his head, laugh mirthless. “You can't though, can you?” He pins her down with his anger, stops her in her tracks. “Do you have any idea what you did? Years, Lil, I spent years away from my family, my life, Kris because I thought I was saving him. Because you told me I had to, or I'd lose him.”

His fingers are trembling as he wipes his hand over his eyes, refusing to let her see the evidence of his pain. “It took me so long to let myself believe he could be mine and you snatched it away. You gave me these images of Kris, bleeding and gone.” Adam focuses on Lil, hands gesturing outward in an attempt to find some sense in all she'd done. “If it was you, would you forgive?”

Her silence is all the answer that's needed and he doesn't want to deal with her anymore. He wants to forget about her betrayal and focus on getting the life he gave up back. But he needs to know what happened. “Where's Teddy now?”

“Kris found out. He worked out a deal to have Teddy brought home.”

Adam closes his eyes. “And you never told him what you did?” He raises a hand, snorting in disbelief. “Of course you didn't. He would have exiled you.” His anger is this steady throbbing in his veins. “When you got your husband back, did it occur to you that I should know the truth? Did you think about finding me and telling me that I could have my life again?”

Lil takes a step towards him, makes Adam straighten to keep his distance. She stops when he glares at her. “Adam, I tried. Brad and I spent months looking for you. Then --” Her face does a complicated dance, one that he's seen on other faces recently and it makes his stomach twist painfully.

“What?”

She shakes her head. “It's not my place to tell you.”

He wants to hurt her as badly as she managed to hurt him. The nightmares that plagued him for years, crippled him at the beginning, keeping him away from Kris, were all her fault.

“Of course it's not.” He eyes her, furious and hurt. The urge to cause her pain is a pulsing need. “You knew I loved him and you still did it.” Adam shakes his head. “I can't forgive that.” He can't and probably never will. “But I'm not going to punish your family for your mistakes.” He made his decision on this before he'd even spoken to her. “You can stay.”

Adam doesn't wait for her response before walking out of the room. He has training to get to and meetings scheduled.

“He loves you.”

He pauses, hand on the door as she continues to speak.

“You love him.”

He twists the knob, opens the door to walk through as her words follow him out.

“You don't have to believe me but you were right back then. He belongs to you and you to him. You just need to claim him.”

It's not anything he doesn't already know.

 

 

Brad stares at him from the doorway, hands clutching his suitcase, eyes wide and disbelieving. Adam aims a wide smile at him.

“You going to stand there with your mouth hanging open – not that I mind that look on you, Bradley – or are you going to come inside and hug me?”

It takes a second and he hears the clatter of bags falling to the floor. Brad wraps his arms around Adam, gripping tight, shoves his face in the crook of Adam's neck.

“If you ever leave again, I will hunt you down and kill you. I don't care what Kristopher says.”

Adam's laugh is a little watery.

 

 

He's overwhelmed by everything that's thrown at him. Adam wonders if it had always been this way but he's can't remember ever feeling like this. Maybe because he'd been preparing for it for so long that the pressure had just been a part of his life. He knows the difference now but it makes stepping back less frightening than he would have expected. This is the life he is choosing.

Brad reassures him that he can fit back in it. Though he thinks it'll be harder to than it was before.

“A lot of things have changed, baby.”

There's so much to re-learn and he dives in head first. It surprises Kris, that he's stuck around; he can tell by the way he looks at Adam every time he walks into a room. It hurts Adam to know that Kris doubts him – not that anyone can blame him – and he works harder just to try to prove to him that he means it. It's taken years for Adam to realize the mistake he made in walking away. He won't be giving up this time around.

So they go over their current negotiations, treaties, allies, enemies. They've grown exponentially since he'd last been part of it and it gives him a deep sense of pride when Kris points out that most of what they took over were part of Adam's original plans. But he won't take credit because he knows that Kris executed it all.

Adam watches Kris closely. The way their people go directly to him whenever they have a concern. How Kris responds immediately, though now he turns to Adam if it's a problem he believes is important enough for Adam to deal with. They work well together, fit in ways Adam hadn't wanted to see. When he isn't elbow deep in paper work or meetings, lunches to get reacquainted with the other clan leaders, he's re-training with Anoop and Katy.

If that's what the torture they put him through can be called. Hours and hours of running through old programs, learning the new ones that they're using with their young. Anoop was always tough, pushing the skills into your head until they were all you could think about. He's not any different now. It's Katy that makes Adam nervous. Growing up together, she'd been sweet and funny. One of the best warriors Adam had ever seen but outside the battlefield, there was warmth to her that drew you in. He'd been jealous of how close she and Kris were. (Not that he'd admitted that to himself at the time.)

From the first moment that his re-training starts he can tell that it's different with Katy. She's polite and takes her time with him, helping with the flaws that are inevitable when you stop exercising muscles that you need for the kind of fighting they do. But the cold, distant woman he interacts with is so far away from the laughing, sweet girl who used to help him drive Anoop crazy, that it borders on the ridiculous.

He doesn't try to ask her why (he has a good idea what she'd say) but he misses his friend a lot.

Randy spends hours with him exercising his transformation skills. He hasn't forgotten them. It wasn't like he didn't use them over the years. There were times that he'd needed to let the wolf run free. It's a part of him and where he once hated it, now it's defines so much of his past and future. He says as much to Randy and blinks at the brilliant smile he gets in return.

“Who says you can't teach an old dog anything new.”

Adam rolls his eyes and concentrates, feels that twisting in his gut before he changes form, takes off across the grass and into the woods. Nothing in his vast experience compares to the sensation of the wind through his fur, his paws digging into the soft earth, the pungent smells of the world, the sounds that assault him. He wonders if he still looks the same. Thick black fur intermixed with silver and white if he remembers correctly. He runs and runs until he's panting then turns back to the path that leads to the house.

He sniffs the air, heart accelerating when he catches a whiff of Kris and takes off in that direction, skidding to a halt when he sees Kris. He stands with his back to Adam, talking intently with one of the gate guards, Johns. Kris stops suddenly, glances back and there's a mix of joy and fear when he sees Adam. He can feel it coming off Kris in waves. Adam moves fast, legs working to reach Kris and when he does, he nuzzles his face against Kris' leg. There's some hesitation but then Kris digs his fingers in the fur at the base of Adam's head, scratches gently. The touch courses through fur, skin and bones, and he shudders at how good it feels, wonders what it'll be like when they become one.

He pulls away, licking Kris' hand before heading back towards the training room where Randy is waiting.

It won't be long before he's ready.

 

 

He’s loved Allison from the first time her parents had brought her to them. She'd been seven years old and one look had made Adam want to cuddle her, protect her from the forces that had stolen her human life. She would never be the same. It was a blessing that she'd been so young. She wouldn't remember her attack or what it felt like to change the first time. The good thing was that Allison took to transforming and her wolf nature like a fish to water. Almost a second nature and unless you knew that she'd once been human, it was hard to tell that she wasn't born a wolf.

He'd left when she'd been on the cusp of child and woman.

The first time she runs at him, arms open, laughing at the way he's eyes widen when he'd recognizes her face, hair a flame of red trailing behind her, his heart stops. She is beautiful. The awkwardness of her pre-teen years, not knowing her own place in the world was gone. They spend an entire night eating chocolate ice cream and cookies, talking in detail over his adventures away from home. She seemed to have known he'd be back.

Adam finds that faith refreshing. At least someone believed in him. (Not that he blames anyone who didn't.)

After that, he’s hard pressed to keep her away and she becomes his shadow, only leaving him alone when he's in meetings with Kris. Her eyes sparkle every time he mentions those. He tells her what it's like to sit with Kris for hours: how he holds back from touching Kris or the way it makes his day when he gets Kris to smile. He rolls his eyes at the romantic ideas she has in her head about what they talk about.

“You guys are totally meant-to-be, you know what I'm saying, hermano.”

Adam can't argue with that.

He's pretty sure that she's right.

But it's not what she thinks.

They talk about policies, treaties, strategies. Kris fills him in on the changes in the clan, the problems they've been facing, rivalries, arrangements, and every once in a while, like now, an unexpected bit of information.

He blinks at Kris.

“Neil and Katy?”

Kris nods, smiles slightly. “I know, right?”

“ _My brother_ and Katy? Are you serious?”

“Completely.”

“Katy and Neil are married?”

“Two years.”

Adam can't wrap his mind around it, though he understands now why Katy acts as she does. She's bonded to his brother, apparently they're mates, and if he recalls what he's learned about what that means, her feelings are synched to Neil's. He hates Adam. She feels that and he guesses it has to be confusing. He makes a mental note to see if he can stop their training sessions. He might be able to convince Anoop that he's ready, maybe reduce the schedule to only the two of them.

When he looks up, Kris is staring at him. “She won't be happy if you quit on her.”

Adam raises an eyebrow then shrugs. “I find it a little freaky that you can still do that.”

“Well, your face doesn't hide much, Adam.”

Not from Kris at least. He's never been able to keep his thoughts to himself around him. “Yeah, well. It's uncomfortable for her and I'm back in shape. It'll be okay.”

Kris shakes his head, hiding his smile. “Good luck with that plan.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes while Kris looks through a pile of folders. He wants to show Adam some plans for a new center in town. There's a music program that Allison had been talking about. That reminds him of a question he's been meaning to ask Kris. (He asked Allison but her face had fallen and she'd shut him down immediately saying, “Ask Kris.”)

“Kris, I've been wondering something.”

Soft brown eyes meet his, wary and a little tired but he can sense an alertness, walls coming up around Kris. “What?”

Adam glances down at his hands, playing nervously with his nails before finding the words. “You don't play or sing anymore.”

Kris' face closes off. “That's not really a question.”

“No, it's not. I know you don't. What I want to know is why?”

He watches Kris carefully. Tries to find an answer in his gaze but Kris won't look at him. His gaze flutters all around the room. He shuffles papers, fixes and organizes the desk he uses and Adam thinks he's going to ignore him.

“I don't do that anymore.”

Adam opens his mouth but Kris continues.

“There's no time, really. And that was – a different life, Adam.”

“That's bullshit.” Adam reaches out, grabs Kris hand, strokes fingers over the warm skin of his wrist. “It's a part of you. There was no way you could give it up just like that. Something happened.” Brad has said as much without saying anything.

Kris scowls, raises to his feet, pulling his hand out of Adam's. “Dad wants to meet with you before the council gathering tomorrow. It's a good idea. He can bring you up to speed on the issues and how we're handling their decision to stand down on the fight with Cowell.”

“Don't change the subject.”

Kris bends his head, sighs loudly before he meets Adam's stare, holds it. “Let it go, Adam, okay?”

He starts to protest but the King enters, though Adam sees him pause for a moment on the threshold before he moves into the room. “Am I interrupting something?”

Kris shakes his head, musters a smile for his father. “No, we were finishing up. Adam is ready for you, Dad.” He turns to him and nods. “I have some things to take care of in town, but I'll see you in the morning.” He's out the door before Adam can stop him and he growls in frustration. He feels a hand on his shoulder, reassuring.

“Give him time, Adam. It's been – he's gone through a lot. It'll take some doing but he'll realize you're here for good.”

He doesn't want to scare Kris away but he's going to have to make him see that things are different.

“I hope so, Papa Allen.”

 

 

Tommy and Alisan find a place among the clan easily and it's like they've always been a part of their lives. Alisan becomes involved with Cale and his soothsayers. Her skills are put to good use there.

Tommy and Matt hit it off and he spends his days helping reinforce the security (though most of his time is actually spent playing guitar with Matt, Cook and Crystal).

Adam is glad that they wanted to stay. He needs them in his life. Especially when he starts functioning as the head again. Working all day with Kris exhilarates and drains him at the same time. He can unwind with his best friends at night and forget the way Kris looks when he's thinking, the way he bites his lower lip in concentration, the corded muscle of his neck when bends his head to one side. He doesn't have to think about what it might be like to taste his mouth or touch his skin or lick his way inside him just to hear his moans.

He wants Kris to believe him when he does all those things. They haven't talked about it but he can guess that Kris doesn't get it yet. Won't understand that Adam knows now. He can say the words but it'll take so much more for Kris to let himself open up.

“You need to find out what happened while you were gone.” Alisan says one night as they lay on his bed, sipping from the wine Tommy found for them. He'd gone with Neil to a party of sorts, mingling with the crowd he'd be ruling with. Kris had declined to go. “That will give you a clue.”

“And I think it's time you told him what went down with you when you left.”

He wants to do that but Lil is afraid of the wrath of the clan, of what Kim and Neil might do if they knew. Kris is her friend and she'd hurt him with lies. But it might be the only way.

“Okay. I think I know who to ask.”

 

 

Brad grins when Adam enters his room but one look at his face and it falls. He follows Adam as he makes his way to Brad's bed, sits on the edge carefully until he can look him in the face. They've never needed words and it's not difficult to read Brad's face, resigned when sits up, Indian style and meets Adam's questioning gaze.

“He – didn't stop because of you.”

The tightness in his lungs loosens slightly. Adam hangs his head, breathing in deeply, staring at the freckles he can make out on his arm as he crossing them over his chest. He can feel the blow coming before Brad says anything.

“You were gone and everything was – it was crazy. We were all dealing with it. Some better than others. Mostly we just wanted to get Kris through it.”

He can't look at Brad while he talks. Adam knows what his face will look like and he can't handle that.

“Was – was it bad?” He knows the answer already.

“Were you?”

Adam hesitates, nods jerkily. “Wrecked.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.” Brad sighs, unfurls his legs, leaning back on his elbows. Adam can see his movements from the corner of his eye. “He pretended like the best of them. Defended you when anyone would be stupid enough to bad mouth you. Kris has a better poker face than anyone gives him credit for.”

He glances over, watches Brad's face as he remembers and the churning in his stomach magnifies.”Tell me, Brad.”

“We had to remind him to eat, make sure he slept. He just dove into running things, taking up the slack from – well, he stopped coming to dinner or interacting with us. Even my yelling at him like a banshee didn't seem to work. Everyone was caught up in their own problems.” Brad closes his eyes, swallows hard. “He was missing for two days before we noticed.”

 

 

“Here drink this.”

Adam reaches up blindly to take the glass filled with amber liquid, gulping it down quickly because he's seriously going to throw up otherwise. He sets the drink down on the table, hand trembling before he looks up at Brad. This was not where he thought this conversation would lead him.

“How long was he – did they hurt him?” There's rage rushing through his head and chest and veins. He wants to kill them, all of them for touching Kris. He doesn't even know who they are but he wants them to pay.

Brad nods. “Some.” He pushes Adam down when he tries to get to his feet. “Oh, no. I want your pretty little ass to stay right here.” Brad keeps him in place until Adam relaxes, until his breathing is back to normal before he lets the pressure on Adam shoulder loosen. “Listen to me, baby. We got them, okay?”

“They dead?” Adam asks and sees Brad roll his eyes.

“Of course they are. You think we'd let them live after that? When we couldn't connect them to Cowell – and that fucking bastard was behind it, I still believe that – Neil disposed of them.” He says this last part quietly, making Adam pay attention. “He felt guilty for Kris' kidnapping.”

Adam's brow furrows, his hand tightening on the glass he's still holding on to. “Why?”

Brad sighs. “Neil was on Kris watch the day he disappeared. They had a huge fight and Neil took off, didn't check back with Kris. Then he was gone.”

“That little --”

“Oh, suck it, Lambert. It was a mistake. Neil paid for it, believe me.” Brad looks him directly in the eyes. “It happened. We can't change it.”

“How long did they have him before you got him back?” He needs details, wants to form the images in his head so that he'll never let it happen. He won't lose Kris.

“We didn't.” Brad smiles, proudly. “Kris rescued himself. He was hurt when he finally managed to make it home but he was alive.”

He can't wrap his head around any of what Brad is saying. Kris had been hurt, almost killed if what Brad isn't telling him is clear and Adam hadn't known. He rises slowly to his feet, walks toward the picture window that overlooks Kim's garden. Brad had chosen this room for the view.

He senses Brad's gaze on him but can't muster up the courage to look at him. This is all his fault.

“It's not, Adam.”

It takes him a minute to build the wall around his thoughts.

“Thank you for that.” Brad sounds relieved, rubs his head with the palm of one hand and that makes Adam look back at him. “You hurt me a little bit, honey. It's almost as jumbled in your head as it is in Kris'.” He comes to stand next to him, leans his head on Adam's shoulder, arm wraps around Adam's waist. They stay quiet for several moments, watching the sun set over the trees. He can feel Brad thinking and when he finally does speak, it's hesitant, unsure.

“He never talks about it. Ever. And we all stopped trying.”

Adam crosses his arms in an attempt to alleviate the sudden crush he feels in chest. “That's when he stopped making music, right?”

Brad's silence is answer enough.

 

 

Kris opens the door to the library, craning his head around it and scanning the large room. He concentrates, listening for any noise but it's empty. Like every other room he's searched for Adam in. Pulling back, he closes the door and pauses to think. His hands are trembling, heart beating too fast to be healthy, really. It's too soon but they don't have a choice.

He catches sight of Brad heading down the main hall to the kitchen and runs after him.

“Brad.”

Brad freezes but doesn't turn around to look at him. “Yeah?”

Kris aims a glare at Brad's back. “Have you seen Adam anywhere?”

There's a tale-tell sign that he does when Brad hesitates at the question and Kris' stomach drops. “He still in your room?”

Brad turns, shaking his head as he moves closer. “It's not what you think. He was upset. Wanted some answers about – some concerns.”

Kris believes him, feels the ease of tension in his muscles. “Okay. Is he there?”

“Is who where?”

Adam stands at the top of the stairs, gaze fixed on only Kris, his smile sad at the edges and Kris' eyes widen as he flicks them toward Brad. He receives a shrug in return and then Brad is gone through the kitchen door leaving Kris with an Adam he's not ready to deal with.

Contrary to what anyone might think Kris isn't blind. Adam is different, even more so now than when he first came back. He's kept their connection as closed off as he can but emotions filter through regardless and he knows that Adam means it when he says he's back. Kris isn't sure of the reason but the intent is real. He won't deny that. Which means that eventually they'll have to talk about their bonding, their marriage and how they have to lead together.

They'll have to deal with Kris' love head on. He's not ready for that at all.

Kris shoves that to the side. They have a crisis to deal with.

“Cowell is making a move.”

 

 

The emergency meeting is underway by the time Kris and Adam get there. Everyone stops talking when they enter, all eyes falling to Adam, then moving over to Kris. He sees the questions on the faces in the room. They're waiting for them to make a decision. He'd brought Adam up to date on the situation after his dramatic avoidance tactic.

Neil stands next to Kris' dad at the front of the room and when he glances at Adam, his face darkens some. Kris gets his attention, raises an eyebrow and Neil wipes the stormy expression off his face, rolling his eyes.

“Like I was saying one of my informants told me that Cowell is expected to reach Riverside later this week. He knows we're on the lookout for him so he's trying to sneak in quietly.”

“Do we know what he's going to use against Harold?” Adam asks, stepping further into the room, grabbing Kris' elbow as he does and guides them both in. Kris sends him a glare but lets himself be handled. There's warmth spreading from where Adam is holding his arm. It's ridiculous how much one small touch affects him.

Neil glares at Adam, shifting his gaze to Kris and sighs when Kris gives him a baleful look. “Whatever it was, Harold didn't cave. They're getting ready for a fight,” he answers Adam question the moves closer to where Katy and Anoop are standing.

Adam's fingers switch position, encircling Kris' wrist and pulling him closer. He doesn't dare look at Adam's face when he feels one of his hands rest against his waist. He notices Brad's eyebrows rise slightly and their eyes meet. Kris shrugs in response to the question in that look.

Everyone is looks toward Kris father, their King, waiting for his input.

But his attention seems focused on Adam. They're having a silent conversation. The tension in the room thickens as they wait for the outcome of whatever is happening between their two leaders.

Adam shakes his head and in response Kris watches his father nod, speaking softly. “You can.”

Kris glances at Adam and pauses when he catches his gaze, holds it with his own and there's a familiar buzz in the back of his mind. One he hasn't felt in years. His breathing changes, tries to ease that sensation away but he shouldn't fight it. This is important.

So Kris slowly drops the wall he erected over the years and lets Adam in.

There's too many emotions coming at him for Kris to discern them properly but the one he can focus on is Adam's fear – it's what keeps him from grabbing a firm hold of this. He focuses on that, pushes his belief that Adam can do anything out to him. Adam closes his eyes, shakes his head and Kris feels the anger welling up in chest.

“Any idea his numbers?” Kris looks away from Adam to ask.

Neil watches him closely before answering. “More than he normally would. Cowell knows Harold isn't going to give in to him easily. He can get away with it since Riverside is basically up for grabs.”

Harold had no successor to take over his clan. A run of bad luck and something rarely seen with their kind. It made him easy pickings for the likes of Cowell. Kris has been campaigning to form an alliance with him for some time.

“We need to be the ones to get it then.”

Adam's voice is strong, steady and when Kris turns to look at him, there's a glint in his eyes that he remembers. He squelches the hope that rising up but nods in agreement. “That's right. I could go first --”

“No, you can't.” Adam cuts him off, shaking his head as he turns to Kris' father but he's not going to be dismissed that easily.

“Adam, I've been working on this for a while. I know the details and Harold trusts me. I should do this.”

Another shake of his head and Kris wants to punch Adam's face a little. He's pretty sure Adam felt that from the slight raise of his eyebrow and the tiny smile that edges his mouth. He directs his attention at Katy and Anoop. “We don't need everyone to go this time. I'll leave it to your discretion who comes with us. Make sure to double the security here at the house.” He doesn't miss the happily surprised expression from Anoop, who leaves immediately to do as Adam said. Katy steps closer to her husband, touches his face once and Neil's face softens when he looks at her. Kris glances away as they talk quietly.

Adam is talking with his father and this is what he wanted all along. For Adam to care enough, to try, to be ready.

But for some reason he can't breathe right.

The room is buzzing with nervous energy. Small groups forming all around, making plans and it's how he wanted it. This – the fighting for what they need – is the reason Kris worked so hard to get Adam back. It's what they needed. He's relieved and happy for the most part. But the smallest bit of Kris shrivels at realizing that he's not needed. Not anymore.

He's been tied to them his entire life, not expecting more than what he knew they'd give him. That changed with Adam's departure. He became the person they turned to and Kris would be lying if he didn't admit, even if just to himself, that he felt useful. Like he'd found his niche. But it's all different with Adam here. The links in the chain are loose.

Kris doesn't know what do with that.

He slips out quietly, stops to answer a couple of questions before heading up the stairs. He needs a shower, maybe some food, and time to process.

Then he can face Adam.

 

 

“Why did you leave?”

Kris jumps, tightens the towel wrapped around his hips as he turns to find Adam lounging on the bed. The pose is casual enough but Kris can still read him well and the tense line of Adam's jaw tells him that he's mad. Adam's gaze slides down and then up Kris' bare chest and he shivers in response.

“Everything was under control.” He starts for his clean cloth, shakes them out while trying to ignore the heat he feels on his skin from Adam's intense study. “I planned to find you. Bring you up to date.”

“I need you.”

Kris freezes, shirt hanging loosely from his fingers at his side. “What?” He turns around, meets Adam's eyes. His heart is beating hard against his chest and there's this tingle under bones and skin that he recognizes.

Adam lets out a frustrated grow, rising from the bed and closes the distance between them in two strides. Kris stops breathing for the second it takes his mind to compute that Adam's hands are on his arms. They pull until Kris is flush up against Adam. His skin burns where Adam touches him, ghosts his fingers over Kris' shoulder, neck, jaw and stops, holds him steady.

“Look at me.”

He wants to say no because he knows he'll fall, he'll give in like he's wanted to since he knew that Adam was his. They should talk about this. What it means. He knows Adam is staying but he wants more than what he's offered. He wants everything.

These are the things he should say.

But his eyes flick up to Adam's at the command. So many things there that he can't deal with them. He closes his eyes, leaning his head against Adam's chin.”Don't do this to me. I can't – it took me a long time to --” Adam's fingers press against his mouth to stop him from talking but Kris opens his lips, licks at their tips, tastes salt and heat and Adam.

 _“Jesus._ Baby, I'm not going to last long enough to tell you what I have to, if you don't stop.” Adam's voice is low, tremulous and it goes straight to Kris cock, makes him shudder. He lets go of Adam's fingers, leans his head back and closes his eyes.

“Oh god. You don't even know what you look like do you.” One of Adam's hands grip tighter on his waist, the other sliding to the back of his neck, tangling in Kris' hair and there's a yank that makes him moan loud, vibrates through them both. “I wanted to make you understand that this is supposed to be us. This whole thing, I can't do it without you. I don't want to.” The words fall over his cheek, into the corner of his mouth and he blinks back the tears.

He wants so bad it hurts everywhere.

 _“Kris.”_

His eyes open halfway, enough to catch the pained expression on Adam's face. It's what he supposes he look like.

“You're not leaving, do you understand? You're mine. Your place is here with me.”

Kris wants to argue because he wasn't the one that left but Adam's mouth covers his and every thought flies out of his head. All he has room for is Adam: his scent, his hands pulling at the towel that's protecting him from this, fingers curling around Kris. His vision blanks out when Adam jerks quick and steady. Fingers clenching into Adam's shirt, their mouth fused and then their moving, falling and Adam covers him completely. Every part lining up together.

His chest hurts, hot and heavy, and he lets go of Adam long enough to get his hands free. They roam across his Adam's back, dig into his flesh and he hears the groan that emits from the back of Adam's throat. He pulls at the shirt and Adam stops, looks up.

“Take this off. _Now.”_

Shirt gone, Adam presses down and the first contact is like a spark, sets them off and it's all a tangle of limbs, skin revealing as the last of the layers separating them disappear. Their tongues dual for control, teeth nipping on lips, breath mingling. Adam licks a stripe down his neck and chest, hovers to whisper something Kris can't understand before taking one nipple in his mouth. Kris arches up, grips on Adam's back when he bites down, trembles against him.

“A-Adam.”

Adam stops, glances up at Kris and the picture he makes with hair mussed all over his head, lips wet and red, eyes so dark that Kris can only make out a ring of blue that he knows will stay with him forever. “Did you want me to --”

Kris shakes his head. “No, don't stop.” He swallows down, tries to wet his parched throat but his voice is a rasp when he asks, “Fuck me.” He can see the shock that gives Adam, the way it makes him pant and there’s a possessive glint in Adam's eyes that should scare him. It doesn't. He just wants. He sees the struggle it's taking to keep him from flipping Kris over and claiming.

He tries to pull away and Kris wraps his legs around his waist, digs fingers deeper into his arms. “Please.”

“I don't want to hurt you.”

Kris does. He wants to feel Adam inside, under his hands, on his skin. It's bigger than a feeling, it's a necessity. He needs him now. “You won't.” He pushes Adam away for a moment, reaches across the span of the bed, fingers fumbling with the drawer. Adam's hand covers his, moves it away. Kris watches as he pulls the bottle of lube out, searches for something and turns questioning eyes to Kris. “There's no --”

Kris shakes his head. They won't need it. Not if this is what they do. Whatever Adam decides after this, he'll own Kris forever. Like he has for years. “I don't have any. Just – please, Adam.”

It must be the sound of his voice because Adam opens the bottle without hesitation, pours the lube over his hand and leans down to kiss him. The softness of it contrasts with the pressure he feels from Adam's probing fingers. It grows when Adam adds another and they slide in, crook up and Kris closes his eyes, moaning loud. Another sharp pain that crawls down his spine, puddles at the base and then Adam disappears. His eyes pop open and he sees Adam's mouth cover his cock, then suck the head in and he pulls at Adam's shoulders, shaking his head. “No. Inside me. I need you. Please.”

And that's all Adam can take, he thinks, because he sits back on his haunches, grips his own cock and Kris licks his lips. He wants to taste but he needs the pain to recede. Wants to feel the pleasure that’s always been there, just on the edges. It's been there since for as long as he can remember.

Adam pushes in and in and in until he bottoms out. Kris starts talking, words he can't comprehend saying but it seems to spur Adam, makes his thrust harder, faster. He grunts against Kris lips, sweat trailing down his face and he reaches up, holds on to his cheek, kissing Adam sweetly.

The growl that Adam gives drives through Kris, makes him push up into Adam, meeting him as he presses in, his head digging into the pillow. His orgasm crashes over him and he comes hard, vision whiting. Adam's fingers bite into his thighs, push his legs up against his chest and he loses control, his rhythm erratic. Adam comes with Kris' name on his lips.

It washes over Kris, wave after wave of pleasure crashing around them. There's a dull buzz in the back of his mind that he recognizes. Adam's thoughts are jumbles of love and fear and happiness, Kris feels it all in the overwhelming sensations that flow between them. For one moment they're completely united: hearts, minds, souls, bodies.

 

Adam collapses on top of him, their chests heaving in unison, and Kris presses his face into Adam's neck, breathes him in deeply. It'll be like this now. They'll be united even when apart. Neither one of them can leave. He closes his eyes and wishes it'll be enough for Adam. That he'll be enough.

Adam's fingers thread through his hair as he pulls out slowly. Kris winces when Adam rolls them over, arms circling around Kris. He sighs into his hair, stroking gently over Kris' head.

“We should have seriously done that years ago.”

Kris feels the bubble of laughter start at the pit of his stomach and he hides his mouth against Adam's shoulder.

“Are you laughing at me, Kristopher?”

Adam he sounds happy, relieved and Kris pulls away to see for himself, wanting to know what Adam looks like when he’s like this.

Adam is grinning down at him, eyes soft and sweet. Kris' eyes fall to Adam’s mouth, bruised and red, and he leans up and kisses him gently. Kris loves Adam so completely he can't contain it anymore. Maybe Adam doesn't feel it as deeply, but now Kris knows Adam does feel it.

This is enough. He has Adam with him. There's no going back. They'll make it work.

 

 

Waking up in Adam's arms brings with it the panic and doubt that had somehow evaded Kris before. The light is fading, night approaching fast. Adam's face is pressed against the back of his neck, his steady breath moist on his skin. It's very much like so many dreams he's had that it takes Kris a moment to realize that this is real. His head reels, this constant almost hum in the background because this wasn't how it he thought it would go. He closes his eyes and allows his mind to reach out to the noise. The presence is warm and open to him.

The connection flares and images assault his brain, emotions flying at him and Kris pulls back, closes that door fast.

Adam's arms tightens around his waist, lips warm on his shoulder. “Too much?”

He nods, brings his hand to lay gently against Adam's arm.

The knock on his door startles them both. “You guys decent?”

Kris pulls the sheets up, covers them both, catching the quick smile that Adam sends him before answering Brad. “Yeah. Come in.”

Brad's face is a mix of regret and humor, one eyebrow raised as he looks at them. His eyes look between the two of them, frowning as he does. “You needed to be downstairs an hour ago. I delayed them as much as I could when I found your room empty, but it's time.”

Adam looks to Kris, locking their gazes. “I'll be down in a few minutes, okay? Can you run interference until then?”

Brad rolls his eyes, sighing deeply, his face mirroring a put upon expression and Kris can't help smile a little. “If I must.” He points a finger at Adam. “Use the time wisely, man, and make that stupid freaked look on his face disappear.”

“That's the plan.”

That seems to satisfy Brad and he leaves them alone.

Kris starts to move but Adam pulls him back until they’re facing one another, hand coming to the back to Kris' head. He draws Kris in, kisses the corner of his mouth until Kris relaxes, melts against him.

“Good. Now listen to me. I wanted to do this differently.”

He breathes into the crook of Adam's neck, fingers flexing where he's holding on to him. “Do what?”

Adam sighs into his hair, pulls back a few inches to look down at him. “I can't make you believe that I'm not going anywhere. I want you, too. I'm staying. I’m not going anywhere.”

Kris swallows hard, pushes down the hope bubbling in his chest. “If this is about our deal --”

“Shut up about that stupid deal. I didn't come back because of it. I'm here because I want to be here. With you.” Adam noses Kris face softly, voice sure and steady. “There's so much you don't know. The real reason why I left.”

That makes Kris' head come up. “Real reason? What are you talking about?”

Adam shakes his head. “There's no time right now. I promise that when I get back I'll tell you everything. But believe me, please, that I want to be here. You are what I need. Where I want to live.”

Kris feels a hot prick in his eyes and he lets out a ragged breath. It's so much more than he expected ever and a lot to handle but he allows himself to hope. Adam brushes away the stray tear that fell down his cheek, drops a soft kiss on his lips, his words falling across Kris' mouth. “Can you do that for me? Wait just a little more?”

It's what he's always done.

“Okay.”

Adam smiles and pulls him closer, wraps his arms around Kris, covering his mouth and he shivers, lets himself fall.

This is enough for now

 

 

They argue about Kris staying.

“I'm a big boy, Adam. I can take care of myself.”

“I never said otherwise, baby.”

“You might need me.”

“We can't both go. If something goes wrong --” Kris' look makes Adam stop talking immediately.

“Then I want to be there to help you.”

Adam grabs his shoulders, locks his eyes with Kris'. “We're supposed to take care of them, right? Someone needs to be here to do that.”

He can't argue with that, but he doesn't have to like the fact that Adam's right.

It takes them most of the night to prep and Kris runs around helping wherever he's needed. He doesn't see Adam but he doesn't have to. He can feel him and somehow that makes it easier to get things done, having that presence with him.

Anoop gives him a knowing look when he assists in organizing their supplies but Kris ignores it.

He's not ready to share anything with the clan. They're expecting it and once they know, it'll be all about ceremonies and what the union represents. Kris wants to keep it for himself. He doesn't want to think about dragging Adam into something he never wanted.

Brad gives him a quick hug as he runs to catch up with Cassidy. Kris sees the worry creasing his forehead and touches his cheek quickly. “They'll be okay.” Brad drops a kiss on his head and hurries toward the back. Cass is a scout and will be leaving before most of the clan.

The decision has been made to keep to the back roads, travel the whole night until they reach Riverside. Adam needs to have a few hours to set up the defenses and get King Harold's alliance.

Kris watches Adam talking with the King, nodding and pointing at the map they're holding between them. There's a flurry of activity and Kris turns his head. Brad hugs Cassidy, kissing him quick, blocking Kris' view of Cass' face. He's pretty sure they're crazy over each other but won't admit it. He thinks saying anything might be a little hypocritical.

Brad steps back, walking toward the house, not looking back. Cass stares at him until Johns and Cook flank him. They take a moment to breathe – taking stock, Kris imagines, since it's what he does right before he changes – and before Kris even blinks they've morphed. They head into the woods, legs a blur, disappearing in the thick forest.

Adam wraps a hand around Kris’ arm, turns him to pull him into a hug that's a promise and Kris exhales against his chest.

“I'll be back.”

“I know.”

He moves back, tilts his face up and lets Adam kiss him. He deepens it, lingers there before he remembers where they are. Pulling away hurts, a literal, physical pain, and Kris bites down his panic. Adam looks like he wants to say something but Randy’s yell cuts through the moment and Kris steps back, motions toward the waiting group.

“Go. Show them.”

Adam gives him a half smile, another quick kiss and heads away from him. Kris doesn't wait to watch him leave, turns on his heels and strides to the house. They have to make sure the town is battered down. Families that want the extra protection of their security will be filing in and he needs to make sure they have enough room.

He has his people to take care of.

 

 

Kris can't stop pacing.

His room is one of the smaller ones in the house so the distance from one end of it to the other isn't very far.

It just makes him feel better to move.

He knows it does no good to worry. That it’s wasted energy he could be using to help... someone. Lil always needs extra hands with the kids, especially on nights where there is so much distress with the adults. Neil needs a solid wall of flesh to bounce his fear and anger off of. There's so much of that in him that Kris worries it clouds his better judgment. Megan is gearing up for what will be a horde of soldiers trekking through their door. She's got the staff working overtime in the kitchens. Last he saw, Katy was having a conniption fit over the adjustments Anoop had made in the security system.

(Kris thinks: if he survives the battle, Katy is going to kill him.)

He has a list.

A very long list of everything he can be supervising: clan members who need his reassurance, brothers he needs to keep out of trouble, paperwork to be filed, mothers to be calmed, fathers to listen to.

Brad to... well, be Brad.

He runs a hand over his face, pauses to pinch the bridge of his nose before taking a deep breath. He forces his muscles to relax.

He has a specific job.

It's what everyone counts on him to do.

 _Be the port in the storm, Kristopher._

Wasn't that what Cassidy always said?

Kris nods to himself, wipes hands on his jeans and breathes in deeply, turns to the door.

It’s time to go to work.

 

 

Kris stops in front of the door Alisan sent him to.

He pokes his head into the nursery (what is usually one of their two music rooms) quietly, spots Lil across the room, open book in her lap. There are four kids sitting on the floor in front of her, rapt attention as she speaks.

"And the wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws."

Her voice is soft, enchanting and warm. Her own kids are sleeping a few feet from the entrance and Kris winks when Lil's youngest sees him and grins. He wiggles his fingers at her, mimes sleep and she closes her eyes tight.

Kris smiles and closes the door behind him.

He takes note to send in a few extra blankets.

It is going to be a cold night.

 

 

The kitchens are bustling as he enters through the back door and he gets a flash of memories from his childhood. He'd always found comfort in this room. The noises Cookie would make under her breath while she moved around the pots. The smells of stew bubbling on the stove, meat being seared with spices and sauces Kris couldn't even begin to name. Pies and cakes baking in the ancient stove his dad had refused to change no matter how much his mom or Cookie complained.

 _“It was good enough for all the Allens before us.”_

He had missed this home more than he realized in the short time he was away.

Kris smiles, keeps away from Archie as he runs past him toward the pantry, excusing himself repeatedly when he sees Kris standing there.

“Hurry it up, kid. We don't have much time for you to fumble all over Kris with your crush or whatever,” Megan yells from across the kitchen. It's a mean thing to do and Kris tries not to laugh at the way Archie's eyes widen, his head starting to shake quickly.

Kris waves his hand. He is fully aware of Archie's feelings and how they are not directed at him in any way. “Don't worry about it. Git goin' before she throws her spatula at ya.”

He bows and runs down the stairs. Kris cringes when he hears something fall and Archie's nervous “Sorry! Sorry!” floats up.

“Jesus on a cracker! You break something valuable, kid, and I'll kill you myself.” She glares over at him, motions to the table behind her and raises an eyebrow. “Make yourself useful, would ya? Start rolling.”

Megan is loud and colorful and cranky. She also has the capacity to read everything in his mind. Almost as well as Brad and that's a very scary thing.

Kris can't imagine what they would do without her. He thinks of Matt, hopes he makes it back. Megan looks at him, her eyes soft and worried, and Kris blocks his thoughts from her completely. He unbuttons his shirt sleeves, rolls them up to his elbows and washes his hands.

He has dough to flatten.

 

 

They get word that the clan is headed back.

Cowell retreated.

Kris sits on the bottom step of the staircase, hands over his mouth and breathes.

The itch in his head makes him smile and he pushes his relief through. He feels Adam's thoughts reach back out to him. They can't quite hear each other yet, the connection too new, but it's enough for Kris.

Adam is _fine._

 

 

Brad is sitting in his favorite purple wing-back chair, the one he'd claimed the moment they'd relocated back to Conway, when Kris walks into the study. He's looking over some maps intently, brow furrowed in a way Kris rarely sees and it gives him pause. Brad's mind is an amazing wonderland of strategy. He's known (of) Brad since they were both seventeen and Kris admits that Brad hasn't led them down the wrong path yet.

Kris watches him quietly, hides a smile as Brad leans back, tight gold pants stretching over his legs, long black leather coat flapping over the sides of the chair, glistening in the lamplight. His shirt is a ridiculous swirl of purple and red and lime green. It's one of Cassidy's, he thinks.

It's a comfort to him, really, that Brad is still Brad even in the midst of everything.

“You keep looking at me like that, baby boy, and I think we might have some trouble.” He doesn't turn to look at Kris but his shoulders relax slightly which is an unspoken invitation to stay.

Kris walks around to stand in front of him, keeps his eyes away from the map spread out across the low table. “Promises, promises. You've been making them for years, Bell.”

Brad smirks down at his paper. “I'd like to keep my body parts where they are, thanks ever so much.”

Kris pretends he doesn't understand. It's easier than explaining that, no, really, Brad has nothing to worry about. He decides to veer away from that particular subject.

“You okay?”

Brad glances up, smiles, then shrugs and looks back down. “Just doubting myself here.”

Kris raises an eyebrow. “You?”

“It happens every blue moon, you know.” Brad flips a sheet in one of his files, flicks his gaze to Kris again and holds it. “I'm fabulous, honey, not omnipotent.”

Kris bites his lip, grins. “You're mighty potent from what I hear, Bradley.”

Brad's eyes go wide and then he laughs, that quick, real one he has. “I'm telling on you, Kristopher!”

He likes to catch Brad off guard every so often. Keeps him on his toes.

Kris moves toward the window, holds the curtain open to look over the front grounds. They have two guards at every entrance, three patrolling the road leading up to the house, four hiding out in the surrounding area and Katy wants to add another group as soon as everyone is back safe. He would argue, but she's scary as hell.

He feels restless. Impotent.

It's a feeling Kris doesn't deal well with.

“I should have gone.”

Brad snorts and Kris hears him make a mark on one of the maps, the scratch of the paper loud in the quiet of the room. “Wasn't going to happen.”

Kris rolls his eyes, crosses his arms and shoots a glare at him over his shoulder. “I've been doing this for a long time, Brad.”

Brad nods, chews on the eraser of his pencil before stroking it across the paper in his lap. “And you will again. Once it's all official. Until then, you need to stay here.”

Kris' head drops and he rubs at the back of his neck. “What if – he doesn't -”

Brad looks up and Kris meets his stare, sees the way his eyes soften at the edges. “He's been training for this since he was fifteen.” Kris nods, because he understands that. “This is his chance to establish his place here again.” Brad sighs, “For fuck's sake, Kristopher, _you_ were the one that talked him into coming home, remember?”

He does.

“I know.”

Brad gives a curt nod then waves Kris over. “Come here.” He points to Texas, finger on the small dot not too far from El Paso. “They should be at Jerry's ranch by now.”

Good, Kris thinks. It won't take them too long to travel from there to Conway by night. He itches to run freely over open space, wind rushing through his hair, legs aching with the strain of keeping up pace.

Maybe he can take a quick jaunt through the -

“Don't _even_ think about it, Allen.”

Kris hates when he does that.

“Then stop thinking so loud.”

So says the man that can have entire conversations just using his eyebrows. Kris rolls his eyes and leaves the room.

 

 

Allison is one of his favorite people in the world. He loves everything about her. The way she laughs so uninhibitedly, like it doesn't matter what happens, as long as she keeps up her spirits, it'll work out.

She's flits around the room helping Leila with one thing or another, stopping to check with his mom in case she needs some assistance, too.

It's a sight he missed while he was gone.

When she catches sight of him, her squeal is loud and infectious, makes him laugh despite the knot that's been twisting in his stomach over the past day.

He catches Leila's gaze, shakes his head at the unspoken question and feels like he's failing her when her face falls.

Allison takes his hand and sits him at the table where she's been working.

Kris needs to think about anything other than the fact that nobody has returned yet.

So, he looks at swatches of cloths in varying colors of the rainbow and listens to Allison describe the dress Cassidy was going to make her for the reception.

He nods and lets her rapid succession of words carry him off with her.

 

 

“Maybe I should have gone with them.”

Kris pauses as he pours his father coffee, meets Eber's gaze over his dad's shoulder. They know that's not really the best idea. His father's health is in decline even if he tries his best not to let it show. He would never have made it to the battle.

“Dad. It's okay. I'm sure the delay has more to do with the weather.” It's been raining for two days and Kris keeps repeating that answer to everyone that asks why they haven't heard anything yet. He thinks Brad's “Jesus fucking Christ, people, we'd have heard if they were all dead. No clan could keep that a secret for long” was a bit harsh but Kris can't really argue with that logic.

If something tragic _had_ happened, they _would_ know by now.

“Have a little faith, Neil,” Eber says, one hand clasped on his friend's shoulder and Kris throws him a grateful smile.

It's all he can do not to throw up from his own nerves.

 _Everyone_ is fine.

 _Adam_ is fine.

Kris thinks he'd know otherwise.

 

 

The arriving signal sounds out in the house at three in the morning and Kris is out of his bed before the first note has faded. He rushes down the hall, waving people back into their rooms. One of the kids runs in front of him towards the doors and he picks her up, whispers that she needs to wait and hands her back to Lil. He waits until the door is securely shut before running down the stairs.

He helps Sarver push the double doors to the rear entrance open, ignores his “Sir, it's raining out there” and stands in the doorway. The men trample in tiredly, some glancing at Kris with small smiles, others bowing before making their way around them. Matt stumbles through, bruises on his arms and face but all in one piece and Kris breathes a little easier. He hears Megan giving orders for coffee and he jerks his head toward the kitchens as Matt grins, walking past him.

He studies them as they limp, saunter, gallop through. There are a few who haven't transformed yet, too tried Kris reckons to expand that energy. He bends when Anoop staggers in, one leg gashed, blood running down to pool on the floor. Kris touches Anoop's head and turns to Sarver, tells him to take all the injured to the infirmary. Allison bounds down the stairs but before she can say anything, Kris holds up a hand. “Alli, go get Dr. Mills. Now.” She turns on her heels and breaks into a run.

Someone pauses in front of him and his heart races for a second before he focuses and realizes it's not who he was expecting.

“Andrew. I'm glad you're okay.”

“Me, too.” Andrew gives him a shy smile, tinged with that slight hunger always present when aimed at Kris.

“Causalities?”

Andrew shakes his head. “None.”

“Injuries?”

“We sustained quite a few but nothing too serious. I think Anoop was our worst.” Andrew smiles a little wryly. “I think we'll be fine.”

Kris breathes easier, pats Andrew's shoulders, gaze flicking behind him every few seconds.

“He's checking in with Katy and the rest of security. Said he wants to make sure we get some more up before the night is over.”

Andrew doesn't say anything more, just moves past Kris, brushing against his arm accidentally. Kris moves back slightly, ignores everything else when he sees Adam saunter up the path and a smile breaks across his face before he can stop it.

Adam looks up at him, freezes when their eyes meet, his own face twisting with so many emotions that it might as well be unreadable. He blinks and Adam is there, pulling him up, arms at Kris' waist. He hugs him in that deep all enveloping way he has and Kris can smell the blood, the wet scent of mud and fur. He shudders a little, clutching at Adam's shoulders, feels Adam's hands tighten on his back. His nose buries itself in Kris' neck.

“Hi.”

Kris laughs at the smothered greeting, runs one hand over the back of Adam's head, pushes him away gently. There's only so much he can take. Really. His gaze roams over Adam, checking for injuries, missing limbs. “You look okay.”

Adam blinks tiredly, raises an eyebrow lazily. “Just okay? Way to make me feel secure, baby.” Adam smiles and then nods. “We're all fine.”

He frowns and leans in, nose rubbing against Kris' cheek, eyes darkening, but he doesn't say anything. They flick over to where Andrew is standing and narrow dangerously. “Do I really need to have a talk with him?” Adam's voice has gone steely, a growl underlining the words.

“It's fine, Adam.”

“I think I may have to set up some rules here.”

Kris is going to say it won't be necessary but Adam looks back at him, cutting him off. “We need to talk to King Neil. Together.”

Kris nods. “After you've rested.”

Adam starts to shake his head but Kris glares, arms folded. “Non-negotiable, Lambert. Bath, food, nap. Then, we'll talk to my father.”

Adam grins at him. “It's really cute how you make that face.”

He doesn't blink. “Don't push me, Adam.”

Kris hears Adam's frustrated growl but ignores it, grabs his hands and pulls him up the stairs.

If he holds his hand tighter than normal, neither one of them say anything.

 

 

“Kristopher. You can come in here, you know.”

He folds the tattered and dirty jeans – Gucci, he thinks – neatly onto the chair on the opposite end of the room. Kris closes his eyes and responds, his voice steadier than he expects it to be.

“Are you decent?”

Adam groans. “Honey, I haven't been decent in years.”

Kris doesn't smile. He _doesn't_.

“You know what I mean, asshole.”

“You've seen me naked before, Kris!”

He's still processing that. They weren't supposed to be that. It was all – everything – was supposed to be in the name of the clan and their duties. It didn't matter that all Kris had ever wanted was for Adam to look at him the way he'd always looked at Adam. He needs Adam to _want_ him. He half-believes that Adam does. But he'd thought that once before. If he's wrong...

Kris can't handle having Adam _so_ close and not close _at all._

He doesn't respond and Adam's loud sigh echoes through the door. There are sounds of splashing and then Adam says, “You can come in now. Wuss.”

Kris makes a face, entering cautiously. He sees that Adam has covered up with bubbles and he laughs, ignores the cartwheels in his stomach at the sight of Adam's leg draped over the side of the tub, water dripping slowly off. Kris fights the urge to lap the drops from his skin and forces his eyes to meet Adam's steady blue. The color is deeper than normal, that emotion behind the look that Kris can't decipher because Adam's never aimed it at _him_ before.

Kris moves to the sink, turns and leans against it, keeps his eyes firmly on Adam's face. He raises his brow, waits for Adam to speak. He wants to demand to know why Adam took so long, remind him that he could have sent word or maybe picked up a phone.

Adam narrows his eyes at him. “I wanted to get back here as fast I could. And there was...an unexpected delay in Texas.”

Kris starts to ask but Adam shakes his head.

“I'll explain when I debrief your father.”

Adam shifts, sending water splashing over the rim of the tub, and Kris' gaze follows the reveal of skin. He licks his lips, breathes through his mouth and nods to say he understands. He needs to get out. He meets Adam's dark gaze, swallows at the predatory smile that spreads over his face.

Kris will never understand how someone as beautiful as Adam even exists.

“We took Riverside County.”

Kris startles, heart beats erratically. That meant they had a firm grip on Southern California. He smiles proudly at Adam. “That's great news.”

Adam is watching him, searching for something in Kris' face. He relaxes into the water but his gaze never strays from Kris.

The question surprises him when it comes. It's been many years since Adam had this doubt, this worry.

“You really willing to give up your place, Kris?”

It wasn't like it was his choice. This was the way it had always meant to play out. Adam was alpha. There had never been one moment since Kris had met him that he wasn't aware of that. Kris had never been meant to lead. Not in the way Adam could. So.

“It was never mine to give up. You know that.”

Anger flickers over Adam's face. “But that's what you think? You don't see that you're the other part of it? That's what bonding means. We do this together.”

He pushes past the uncomfortable ache in his chest and gives Adam a half smile, left side curving up. “Now tell me. How did you feel?”

Adam studies him intensely before breaking out into a grin. “Fucking amazing.”

Kris laughs. “Right on.”

He pretends not to notice Adam's gaze fall to his mouth. Smothers the hope that flares at that. Adam grimaces and Kris uses that opportunity to distract himself. Pushing off the edge of the sink, he's kneeling at the tub in seconds, hands tracing the nasty bruise on Adam's right shoulder, the scrape of teeth visible on his neck. He quells his panic but the long scratches down Adam's back make him growl quietly.

Adam's tilts his head up to look at him. “It's not as bad -”

“Shut up,” Kris stands abruptly, marches to their well-stocked medicine cabinet and takes out the first aid kit Cale had made for them. He pulls out ointments, bandages, alcohol, cotton balls – the mundane chore helping calm him, “Why didn't you say you were hurt?”

Adam sighs, “Because it's all superficial, Kris.”

Kris stops and breathes. “I don't care. You need to stay healthy and alive, Adam. Do you understand?”

“Baby -”

Kris cuts off the endearment with a hand gesture. “No. Adam. If something happens to me, that's fine.”

Adam tenses. “The fuck it is!”

Kris ignores him. “You're their leader, okay? I just -” Kris pauses, looks up at Adam and then starts to laugh, his nerves getting the better of him, fear curling up cold and brittle in his stomach. He sees Adam's brow shoot up into his hairline and it gets him going even more. He can't quite tell Adam exactly why he's close to freaking out. When he stops laughing, Adam's got that bemused expression he gives Kris. A lot.

“We are ridiculous.” Kris says, shakes his head as he brings everything over. He pulls up the little stool that Adam keeps in the bathroom. Sitting down, he pushes his fingers gently into Adam's skin, soothing. Adam's breath hitches and Kris frowns, leans in to kiss the bruise, whispers, “I'm sorry. Did that hurt?”

Adam makes a sound at the back of his throat, shakes his head and before Kris even knows what's happening, Adam's hands are on his waist, pulling. He flails, dropping the cotton ball and seconds later he's wet, lying on top of Adam. Kris glances up and the reprimand on his lips freezes at the heat in Adam's eyes. It settles in Kris' stomach when that hot gaze falls to his mouth. One of Adam's hands grips the back of Kris' head, threads fingers through his hair.

Kris can't think with Adam this close. He shuts his eyes, shudders as Adam moves him up, leans his lips against Kris' “Did you miss me?”

He swallows against the response that wants to fly out of his mouth.

Adam's grip tightens and it forces Kris to open his eyes, meet Adam's gaze. There's a tremor in his voice, slight doubt in his stare when he says, “Say something, Kristopher.”

Kris rolls his eyes, pushing up slightly and snorts. “It's a stupid question, Adam.” He gives him an angry glare. “ _Of course_ I missed you. I _always_ miss you. I've never _stopped_ missing you when you've been gone.” Kris grits his teeth because sometimes. “Now can I get up, please?”

Adam's stare is probing and Kris doesn't understand. “Adam-”

His words are cut off by Adam's mouth. He pushes up, both hands delving into Kris' hair, holds him steady, tongue coaxing Kris'. He hears a groan escape as he opens to Adam, falls into the space between them, his hands clutching on Adam's shoulders. He arches back and down, his jean-clad thigh (soaked now) rubs against Adam's cock and he sucks in the moan that elicits.

It's heady knowing that he can make Adam come undone like this. He may not own Adam’s heart, Kris doesn't know if that will ever happen, but Adam wants him.

 _Adam_ wants _him._

There are hands yanking his shirt up and Kris moves back, helps to get it out of the way. His skin meeting Adam's, warm and damp, makes Kris whine, his own hands trailing down Adam's chest to his stomach and further south until he wraps one around Adam’s hard length, leans in to lick a stripe up Adam's neck when he bends back, exposing the skin to Kris. He bites, kisses the mark, letting his mouth linger there.

It's in his head thrumming like a beat, those words he's felt his entire life.

 _I love you_.

He flinches, the thought sharp in his heart and chest, but he can't say them. Adam would feel like he _had_ to return the sentiment even when he didn't mean it the way Kris ached for him to. What they are is more than Kris had ever believed they would be.

Adam is his.

He is Adam's.

That will be enough.

Adam's hands on his face bring him back to the moment. He catches the concerned look on Adam's face, his soft “Hey, baby. You still with me?” makes Kris' pulse quicken. He nods in return, smiles wide and kisses Adam, deepens it, his hand moving over the red-swollen head of Adam's cock, thumb circling over the leaking slit. Adam's eyes flutter closed when Kris starts a steady pace.

“Oh fuck.”

Kris' mouth hovers on Adam's, their harsh breathing mingling together while he works Adam into a crescendo. “Please.”

Adam eyes slit open, bluer than anything Kris has ever seen. There's a question in them, something Kris hoped wouldn't be. He doesn't want doubt from Adam. He stops his movement which elicits whine and he can't help smile into Adam’s cheek, kissing it in apology. His own cock is so hard, it's painful.

Kris pulls away, his hands fumble for his jeans and underwear. It takes Adam a second to gather his senses but when he does, he helps Kris discard his clothes. He opens his mouth to say something, Kris doesn't know what, but it become a strangled gasp when Kris pushes down onto Adam's cock, cutting off his yell with clamped teeth.

Adam starts to panic, tries to pull him off but Kris' fingers dig into his shoulders. “I need – I need you.”

“We need to – _oh shit, Jesus, fuck_ – get you – _shit_.”

Kris starts to rise and his eyes tear up at the pain but he works through it, slides back down on Adam, easier, smoother. Adam's arms are around Kris' waist, trying to steady the jerky movement of his hips. Kris changes his angle, bends back slightly and –

“Oh, _god_. That's – I – ”

The head of Adam's dick brushes over his prostate, shooting sparks of pleasure all through his body. It's better than the first time. It's making him want more. Too much. Things that he doesn't think Adam can ever give him. He pushes down hard as Adam's pushes in and they groan in unison. Kris' hands clench on Adam's head, gripping his hair hard, tugging up. Adam's face is buried in Kris chest, his sounds muffled against the flesh there. He opens his mouth over Kris' nipple, flicks his tongue. The sensation sends Kris over the edge and he comes in ribbons between their joined bodies.

He melts against Adam, pliant and yielding. Kris moves when Adam pushes him off, turning him to fall on his back, water splashing everywhere. Adam leans over Kris, enters him in one, long hot slide, Kris' legs flung over Adam's shoulders. He can hear the faint grunting as Adam pushes in harder, faster, losing control. He hides his face in Kris' neck, tightens his hold on Kris' hips so hard Kris knows there will be bruises in the morning.

His movements become stuttered, rhythm faltering and he growls into Kris' skin.

“ _Mine_.”

It sends a thrill through Kris' body as Adam comes inside him.

 

 

Kris isn't sure how long they've been lying in the tub, but he figures it's been some time.

The water is pretty cold.

He pushes up on his elbows, meets Adam's half-lidded gaze, receives a sweet smile that makes his heart flutter.

“We should get up.”

Adam makes a protesting noise, cards fingers through Kris' hair, resting his hand on the back of Kris' neck. “I like being here with you. Like this.”

Kris blushes and Adam's smile widens. He traces one finger over the heat spreading down Kris' face and chest. “I always wondered how far your blushes went.” He laughs softly when Kris rolls his eyes, leans up to capture it with his lips. The kiss is slow, gentle and languid. Adam explores Kris' mouth, learns the crevices and curves there. It's every kiss Kris ever imagined and nothing like he ever expected. It's like the first kiss only deeper, more.

By the time Adam's finished, dropping kisses on his cheeks, Kris is breathless and dizzy. He leans down on Adam's chest, sighs happily.

“I missed you.”

Kris smiles into Adam's skin, mumbles. “I missed you, too.”

 

 

Adam tries to figure out when he fell so hard. The exact moment he realized what he felt for Kris wasn't just a phase, a crush. That it was something more. Everything more.

Adam thinks that Brad would happily point out that it's been a fact his entire life. He was just too stubborn and scared to see it. Kris walks across the bedroom – their bedroom now – to the closet, pulls out one of his infinitely-numbered plaid shirts. Adam cringes and makes a mental note to have Cassidy update Kris' wardrobe. He knows it's wishful thinking to hope that Kris will actually wear anything Adam gets made for him but he thinks he might be able to get him to change it up every once in a while.

He's in love with a man that wears plaid with Converses on a good day.

Adam grins at the thought and when Kris turns to look at him, he raises an eyebrow in question.

“What's that for?”

Adam shrugs.

He's happy. It's not a feeling he's been familiar with in a long time. It's not a shock, because Kris has always made Adam happy in some way or another. But this is different. This is his completely. Kris doesn't look at anyone the way he looks at Adam. It's something he's learned in the last few weeks but it hits him at that moment.

“Marry me.”

Kris freezes in the middle of tying his shoe, wide stare flicking up to meet Adam's. “What?”

Adam holds his gaze. He recalls what he said to Kris when he left. The cruel words he'd used to push him away. And the deal they'd made for him to come back – his excuse to buy time until he could do this. Ask like he wants to. He holds his breath as Kris' face gives away the full array of emotions he's going through and Adam has never been happier that Kris can't hide anything from him.

Kris looks back down at his shoes, finishes tying them before standing up slowly. His every move seems to be thought out and Adam's stomach drops. He can't say he blames Kris for being – scared? Disbelieving? Untrusting? Kris glowers at him and Adam remembers that he can't hide anything anymore either.

Kris sighs. “I trust you. More than anyone. In this world, Adam. I've never been afraid of what -” He shakes his head, stands in front of Adam. “You don't need to do this.”

Actually he does. But what's more important is he wants to.

Adam wants it more than pretty much anything he’s wanted in his entire life. Kris is his. His mate. Forever. It took him long enough to understand what that meant and how it was everything he'd been missing. But he has this urge to have the world know Kris belongs to him.

“I want to, Kris.”

Adam touches Kris' face, smiles happily. “Think about how awesome that party will be.”

Kris chuckles softly, leans into Adam's hand, turning his face to kiss the palm gently. “It would be, yeah. But it's not necessary. We're together. You and me. You belong to me and I belong to you. That's all that matters.”

“That's not completely true.”

Daniel's voice rings out and they jump, turn to see him leaning in the door frame. Adam lets go of Kris long enough to hug him, clutching for several moments. Daniel pulls away first, looks over at Kris.

“Dad wants to speak to both of you.”

Kris looks at Adam when he flinches, brows furrowed. “Do you know what this is about Adam?”

He doesn't and shakes his head.

But something tells him, it can't be good.

 

 

“Wait. Let me get this straight.” Brad leans forward in his chair, glaring at the two Heads of the Lycan House that sat flanking the King. “You're saying that if Cowell wants to he can declare Kris his because he bought him?” They nod calmly and Adam grips the back of his father's chair tighter.

“Well, fuck that.”

Adam loves Brad.

Kris hasn't said a word since they walked in the room. Adam wants to rip someone apart. Preferably Cowell. Or Ted Allen.

They'd known he was an evil bastard. Betraying the clan, overturning his own brother, aligning himself with the likes of Abdul and Cowell. But selling Kris? To that monster?

As cliché as the thought might be, Hell will freeze over before Adam gives Kris up.

“Is this even legit? I mean how could he sell Kris?” Tommy asks the room in general but his stare meets Kris'.

Kris takes a deep breath. “He was the head of the clan. That position gives you a lot of rights, including selling and trading your family like commodities apparently.”

“That's fucking archaic.”

Adam so agrees with that assessment.

“He didn't exactly sell Kris.” Neil steps into the room, holds out a file to Kris, pointing to the middle of the page. “But it's close enough. As far as I understand it, Ted made a pact with Cowell. The throne for money it looks like. Then he broke it, screwed Cowell over and for Ted it was over. The contact was still binding and Cowell was going to get what was promised him. But by the time he tried to lay claim, King Neil had taken back the throne.” He shakes his head as he talks, glancing at Adam, something flicking in his eyes that is close to compassion. “That's around the time he went on his rampage. But the son-of-a-bitch is sneaky. The contract stipulates that he would be owed compensation.”

Kris snorts. “In other words, he got to claim the first son, becoming the alpha.”

“Exactly.

“Why did he wait this long to use this?”

“Because we had nothing before, nothing he really wanted.”

“Now that this clan is established and managed to get a hold of territories he wants, he's going to want to take what's his.”

“It's not that easy.” Adam speaks up and all eyes turn to him. “Kris belongs to me. He's my mate.”

There's a confused murmur from their parents and the Heads all stare wide-eyed at him. Adam flicks his gaze over to Brad who is grinning at him like the idiot he is. He doesn't stop to look at Kris, just forges ahead. “We bonded. Have been since before the Battle at Riverside took place. That counts for a lot more than some purchasing invoice. Doesn't it?”

Adam glances over at his brother who nods, looking a little shell-shocked. “Bonded mates? That's pretty much the mecca right there.” Neil focuses on the two Heads. “That's enough to nullify his claim isn't it?” Adam watches the two men deliberate, talking quietly among themselves for a few minutes while everyone else in the room in waiting. His mother is holding Kim's hand, both of them watching Kris.

When he turns to look, Kris meets his gaze and Adam feels it right in his gut, makes him stagger a little. He smiles, winks at Kris, making him look down and flash a quick grin at his feet.

That's all his.

“We think it is. But to be on the safe side...”

Adam watches Kris, back straight, shoulders tense as he says quietly, “You'll want us to perform the official ceremony.”

The Heads nod at them and Adam pushes down the little victory man dancing around in his head. He walks to Kris, grips his hand and looks steadily at the crowd. “Then let's do it.”

He doesn't let go.

 

 

The council doesn't want them to take any chances so Adam puts Alisan in charge of the plans for the wedding and throws Brad at her for assistance. It takes no more than five minutes for them to run off laughing, talking over elaborate details. He sends Daniel after them with a reminder that they don't have the time for anything fancy. Adam always had a picture in his head of what his wedding should look like. What his best person would wear, his own outfit, the ceremony room decorated to the nines in his favorite colors, all those little things that he wanted to have to distinguish it.

He smiles down at the papers in his hand and it doesn't matter that he has none of these details. All he cares about is that he's marrying Kris.

“What's that smile about?”

Kris walks in the door, grins as he makes his way to Adam, glances down at Adam's hands and his smile dims. “I wish we had more time. I know how important --”

He catches Kris words with his kiss, lingers there until neither one of them can breathe.

“What was that for?” Kris caresses his face gently, thumbs tracing under Adam's eyes, over his cheeks and pause at Adam's lips. It's like having his feelings in stereo. Kris touches him, feels it resonate across his skin, inside his bones and with that he can feel the echo of it from Kris. The thrill he gets touching Adam. Addicting doesn't begin to cover it.

“Because I can.”

He pulls Kris down, latches on his mouth and delves in, opens his mind to the ripples it sends through him.

 

 

“I need to know something.”

Adam's eyes are almost fully closed, sleep beckoning him. They should be resting. So much to get done in a few days. But he can hear the anxiety in Kris' voice, forces himself to focus and answers back as clearly as he can.

“It wasn't about Drake.”

The question has been on the edge of Kris' mind all day. He's felt it pressing at him while running endless errands and through his meetings with the King.

Kris' breath seems to catch in his throat. He turns to face Adam, one hand falling open over Adam's chest. “What? But you were devastated about --”

“I was. That was true. But that wasn't the reason.” He palms Kris' cheek, tracing circles in his skin and he takes a deep breath. “There was a dream...”

He tells Kris everything. That he'd known without a doubt that they were supposed to be together back when Drake was still alive. He stops Kris from talking with a quick kiss, asks that he let him get it all out. Admits to being angry and jealous when Kris had brought Andrew home. How the decision to use Drake had gotten him killed. Kris' fingers clutch at the blanket, head shaking slightly but he let Adam continue. He didn't delve into that dark time of guilt and self-hatred. Kris had witnessed that.

“When I woke up from all that, you were there and I just – wanted you. So much, Kris, it was hard to breathe sometimes. But I was scared. I'd gotten Drake killed and what I felt for him was nothing compared to what you mean to me.” He shakes his head. “If I lost you I couldn't even begin to recover.”

Kris leans in, peppers his jaw with small kisses, sighing against his face. “I do know, yeah.”

He feels a phantom pain in his heart, knows it's an echo of Kris' remembered heartache at Adam leaving. “I didn't think I had a choice.”

Soft gaze falls on his mouth and it takes Adam every bit of willpower to keep from taking but they need to do this. He doesn't want to marry Kris without telling him the truth. His next question makes his stomach twist.

“Then why did you leave?”

“It's complicated.”

Kris' eyes get wider and wider, shiny wetness filling them as he tells him about Lil's part in it. He doesn't excuse what she had done but he knows that it had been a betrayal to not just him but Kris and the clan. It's worthy of banishment. He sees those same thought flutter through Kris' mind but he knows this man – the one he loves to distraction – and his compassion is greater than any fury he might feel.

“That explains why she wanted to find you so much. It was almost an obsession.”

Adam nods. “She realized when she got Teddy back that it was wrong to keep me believing I would be your destruction.”

Kris snarls and Adam blinks down at him. “Your absence almost was.”

He wants to ask Kris about that time, his abduction and escape, what he'd gone through. Wants to give the comfort he couldn't then, but this isn't the time.

And there's something he wants to make sure Kris understands.

He takes Kris' face between his hands, presses softly until Kris melds into his touch, opens his lips to let him enter. Their bodies seem to fuse, connecting everywhere, and Adam pushes one knee between Kris legs, swallows the groan that seems to come from deep inside, pulling back an inch, just enough to whisper against Kris' mouth. “I love _you._ You understand that? I'm marrying _you_ because I'm stupid in love with you. I have been forever. Even before I knew, if that makes sense. This isn't about being king or the deal we made. I want you. You're mine. _That_ fact is what I care about the most.”

Kris' eyes glow with happiness, bright with a hope he keeps reign in. “I love you, too.”

Adam laughs, drops head to rest against Kris. “Oh, thank god.”

Kris' own laugh mixes with Adam's and his heart grow lighter. This is how he remembers them being.

 

 

The ceremony isn't as long as Adam recalls it being. Maybe it seems longer when you're a kid sitting in the audience of guests and the words exchanges, the vows and promises don't mean the same to you that they do to the mates committing their lives to each other.

Kris's suit is black with deep gray accent lines that he can barely make out. Cassidy places a silver iris in his lapel, the edges colored red. Adam has an identical one. The fit of Kris' suit is perfect, molding to him like a second skin. Adam's mouth goes dry the moment that he sees him. But when he meets Kris' eyes, the radiant grin he receives throws all other thoughts out of his head. Kris belongs to him. No one else will ever touch him, kiss him, love him the way Adam intends to.

And he belongs Kris.

The rush of pleasure and love that comes over him is too much and he closes his eyes to keep from doing something stupid. In the next second, he senses Kris in his mind, radiating comfort and warmth. Adam lets a laugh tumble out, reaches to grip Kris' jacket and pull him forward. “You. You make my heart hurt in the best way possible.”

He kisses him against the protests from Kris and their priestess, clutching harder at Kris until he wraps his arms around Adam and gives in.

The applause roars, washes over them until it's just white noise and Kris is all he can see, hear, taste.

 

 

As far as parties go, he has to admit this is by far the best he's ever attended.

The fact that it's to celebrate his marriage is only a bonus, Kris thinks.

Brad has one arm wrapped over his shoulder, happily buzzed as he discusses the fashion faux pas from some of the royals that managed to make it to the wedding on such short notice. Allison snorts out a drink Kris pretends he doesn't see her drinking, falling into giggles, leaning against Tommy who keeps his eyes steady on her. He raises an eyebrow, glances at Ali who gives him a Cheshire grin before hiding it behind her drink.

Adam'll love that when he finds out.

He searches the room, finds his husband – _his husband_ – dancing with his mother, making her laugh as he spins her across the dance floor. His heart fills with love, chest bursting with it so much that Kris has to glance away. Leila catches his eyes, winks as she throws him a kiss. He grins at her, watches as she walks toward Eber, forces him out on the dance floor while Katy giggles. Neil grabs her from behind, nuzzles his face on her shoulder and Kris turns his gaze elsewhere.

He catches movement from the corner of his eyes, the sounds of something and Anoop is talking fast to his father, motioning at the dance floor where Adam is. Kris moves through the crowd, quickly accepting congratulations as he makes his way to where his father and Anoop are. At the sight of Kris, Anoop's face grows tenser. There's fear, real fear in his eyes and Kris releases his own, finds that place where he can be calm, rational.

“What's going on?”

“Cowell.”

Kris stands up straighter, glances behind Anoop. “Here?”

“We caught him trying to get in. Sarver and a few of his men are blocking him out.”

Kris nods. “Go find Katy. Tell Adam. I'm going to go deal with this.”

Anoop starts to argue but Kris is already walking out the door, down the moonlit path that leads to the front gate. Security flanks him as he walks past them, stopping just outside the circle of men surrounding Cowell. He pushes down on the panic that wants to blank out his mind. It's been years since he's had to face this man. Cowell's torture had only fueled Kris. He know that his escape bothers the other man, shows that he doesn't control everything.

His gaze passes over Kris, a snarl just under the polite facade, eyes glowing in the darkness. “It's good to see you again, Kristopher.”

“Cowell. This is a private event.”

He narrows his eyes, mocking Kris with a frown. “I noticed I wasn't invited. I'm sure it was an oversight, of course. I'm willing to overlook it.”

Kris cants his head slightly, his voice falling to a near growl. “It was not an oversight. You're not welcome here.”

His guards move closer as Cowell takes a step forward, the line of men behind him doing the same. He wasn't above throwing down on their property, in their land. It wouldn't end well, but Cowell has gotten too sure of himself. Before Kris can decide what to do, he hears a commotion and when he turns, Adam is striding toward them. His expression is dark, stormy and the moment he sees Kris standing so close to Cowell, it goes to a scary place. He feels the rage hit him all at once.

Kris intercepts before he reaches them, hands coming up to Adam's neck. “Hey. Look at me. Look at me. It's okay.” Adam tries to keep moving but Kris plants his feet firmly, shakes him until Adam's gaze slides down to focus on him. “Calm down. He isn't going to touch us.”

Adam breathes through his nose, exhaling in a long sigh and then nods, hands coming up to Kris’, lacing them together. They don't speak and Kris follows Adam. Except he notices Adam pause so that they're in step when they reach Cowell. Equals.

“Lambert.”

Adam raises an eyebrow. “Party crashing now, Cowell? Didn't think you'd have to stoop that low. But someone like you doesn't get too many invites. Blood-thirsty killers don't make for great company.”

Cowell growls, steps forward and Adam grins, teeth gleaming in the moonlight. “Do it. Give me the pleasure of killing you right now. No one would think twice. None of those council members you pay off would even think of causing me a problem.”

The retreat is slow, reluctant but Cowell hasn't gotten to where he is by picking a losing battle. He bends slightly, aims a predatory smile at Kris before flicking his gaze back to Adam. “I'd be careful, Lambert. You have a lot to lose and no real power yet.” He doesn't wait for a reaction, strolling back out of the entrance, his men following and their security escorting them out. They don't move until they're given the all clear.

Adam reaches for Kris, pulls him in and holds on, breathing into his hair. Kris can feel his heart racing and he soothes hands down his back. He sees Katy escort Johns away, leaving them alone. His fingers work at Adam's shirt, loosening it so that he can rest his palms on Adam's back. He talks quietly into Adam's neck, words muffled by skin but what he's saying doesn't matter. Adam just needs to know he's there.

Kris understands that better than he'll ever admit to Adam.

The sigh Adam lets out trembles with emotion, his hands gripping Kris' waist, and he leans back enough to kiss his forehead. Words tumble out in a rush. “You can't just throw yourself out there like that, okay?”

He tries not to let it bother him because Adam's is scared and every emotion he has about Kris is twice as strong now. He gets that. But he can't have Adam scared every time he has to put himself on the line for him, for their clan. “Listen to me.” He reaches his hands up to touch Adam's face. “This is what we're in for. I'm not going to stop standing up for us. For them. We protect each other.”

Adam's eyes close and he nods, leaning his chin on Kris' head. “We protect each other.”

Kris grins, gripping Adam's wrist and tugging them back towards the party. “Dad will want to know what happened.”

Adam nods.

“Then you're going to forget it for tonight and dance with your husband.”

The smile on Adam's face is wide, even as Kris sees the worry marring his eyes. But he pulls on Kris’ hand and makes him stumble back against his chest. “I can't think of anything I want to do more.”

Tomorrow will be enough time to deal with Cowell. Tonight is about them.

 

 

It's actually Kris' idea to take their very short honeymoon in San Francisco.

“It's where I found you again.” Kris tells Adam, shrugs as he glances over at him. There's this look Adam gets sometimes, like he can't believe Kris is his, that makes his stomach churn with want and need and _mineminemine._ It's that look that makes Kris feel stupid for never quite letting go of the fear that Adam will be taken from him, forced to leave him again. He knows Adam is there for good. Forever.

He just wishes his mind and sometimes his heart wouldn't make him doubt it. He rarely mentions to Adam because it pains him to hear it.

They take a few days to relax at the King's insistence that he's run his kingdom just fine without them for decades. Kris can't disagree with that.

It's worth it for the look on Sasha's face when they walk into the club hand in hand. She raises her hands over her head, whoops loud and every head turns their way. There's a number of catcalls and yells of victory from the staff and some of the regulars. Kris recognizes Darren, nods at the salute he gives him with his beer. Adam's grip tightens and Kris laughs, pulling him down for a kiss.

Adam wants to visit all the same places they had before because “now I'll get to make out with you everywhere, baby. That's on my bucket list.”

“Making out with me at Golden Gate Park?” Kris asks, letting Adam press him up against a tree, linking his arms around Adam's shoulders.

“Kissing you _everywhere.”_

Kris's laugh is swallowed by Adam's mouth.

 

 

The early morning light filters in through the curtains that Adam forgot to close. Kris smiles against his pillow. He always forgets. It's those small details that he loves getting to learn about. Adam's habits that drive him crazy, but make up the whole of this ridiculous man that belongs to him. He turns his back on the light, Adam's hand sliding down his side as he does and Kris opens his eyes to look at him.

Adam finds it creepy to be watched and Kris tends to agree, but he needs that reassurance that it's not all a dream. He used to have so many of them when he was alone. Ones where Adam told him he was loved, ones where Adam stayed, that they were together. And then he'd wake up and Adam would be gone.

But this isn't that. He scoots in closer, buries his face in Adam's neck and breathes and breathes and breathes.

Nothing is going to be easy. Cowell will be coming after them. Sooner rather than later. Their people are unsure of what to do next with that threat looming. His parents are keeping secrets about his father's health that Kris doesn't want to face. Adam and Neil are at each other's throats.

There's so much they have to deal with, but he knows that they can. That even if the world crumbles and falls around them, they'll face it together.

Adam's hand moves down to pull him closer, their legs tangling, and Kris closes his eyes, lets all those thoughts take a back seat. With that in his mind, he kisses his husband's shoulder and smiles at the small pressure against his back.

Here and now is all that matters.

 

 _End._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback loved and appreciated. Leave in comments or at [LJ.](http://freakykat.livejournal.com/339542.html?mode=reply)


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